Wife filed for divorce...Is there still hope?

[LSG]

W and I were talking about our mediation and hearing appointments coming up. We only have one car, and she did not want to go together. She said she would feel uncomfortable. She told me I should walk there because it is not too far away. I told her is she wants to walk, but I am going in the car. I said it was my car too. she said technically it was, but since she makes the payments, it is hers.

Part of me says she right while part of me disagrees. It has been making me sick to my stomach about what I should feel or believe. This is part of the reason the losing out on the job hit me so hard. I need a job, and I do want to be dependent on anyone for anything every again. Once I start working, I never want to be out of work for any reason again. I just want my life and some dignity back. I do not eat much at home if anything when she is around. I have been made to feel that everything is hers. I am rambling.

I have to try to feel that I am not a "parasite" when she has told me that I am and that I will try to be a parasite off of the kids if I get spousal and child support. She thinks if I go for custody of them that that is what I will being doing.

I need a job, I need a job, I need a job so bad.

Anyways, I just needed to get it out of my system, so maybe I will not have a sinking, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach anymore today.