Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[antlers]

I don't see this as any sort of punishment. Your W had the luxury of being home after being laid off and being supported financially. She had her credit cards paid off by you and now has run them up again. Her choices, both financially and in life have not exhibited a whole lot of responsibility. That's fine, her choice but Romeo should not have to fund her irresponsible choices.

When somebody is getting thousands per month is support asking for additional funds to pay a 50.00 phone bill speaks volumes.

Damn straight!

[newmama]

Romeo, I truly think what you said to your DD about dying and everything else was the right thing! You are right, we will always be there...some people believe our spirits can linger around our children!

IMO I think MAYBE your DD was saying that she wants to love both of you because she might be feeling she is supposed to choose one over the other...HYPOTHETICALLY: like if her mom is talking bad about you, she gets confused. She loves her mommy. If she doesn't agree with what her mommy says about you, then does that mean she doesn't love her mommy as much as you and that she loves you more? Or if she is with you and starts to miss her mommy, does it mean that she doesn't love you as much as her mommy?

I think that when/if S says that stuff to me, I will tell him "S, we both love you and I you can love us BOTH! I WANT YOU to love your daddy! You can love me AND you can love your daddy! It makes me happy if you love us both!" or something like that.

OK and about the legal stuff...I am not weighing in because it is over my head. The others seem to have better insight and knowledge about the legal stuff.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Hey friends been MIA; I was on a camping trip this weekend with a 4x4 club which was quite nice- a much needed break!

Thanks CG for having my back!

NM, thanks, I really appreciate your suggestion and I like it. I don't think her mom will say anything bad about me and I will never say anything bad about her mom. To her we're still her parents. That's the sad part about kids, they don't get to choose their parents.

Here's the response I'm sending to her (re: moving, insurance etc)

"Since you'll be over for DD's b.day you can pack up the little stuff then. As I said it shouldn't take long at all. However, you need to send me a list of the items that you are planning to take ahead of time. [don't want her rummaging through stuff]

As for the furniture, I'm good with the list of items you provided. In regard to the movers you can schedule them for Aug 11th when I'll have DD with me. I'd feel better if she's with me when the movers are there.

Insurance wise, that's fine I'll keep you on my insurance as that's what the law requires me to do. Keep in mind the PPO plan is gone. I'll send you the details on the new plan they have to replace it."


What do you guys think?

[newmama]

Glad to hear that you had a great weekend, Romeo! I'll chime in on the email:
1) why not say "Please" send me the list of items instead of "You NEED" ? just curious

2)Why do you want DD there when the movers come? just curious again...

3)The insurance info is stated well.

[CityGirl]

This is what I would say:

Please plan to pack your smaller items when you come over for DD's b-day. Please send me a list of what you will be taking.

I am in agreement with the larger items you listed. The movers should be scheduled for Aug. 11th during my weekend with DD.

The law requires I keep you on my health insurance until the divorce is final. I have opted to not continue the PPO and will send you the details of the new plan when they are available.

Regards,
Bud

[ImprovedRomeo]

Glad to hear that you had a great weekend, Romeo! I'll chime in on the email:
1) why not say "Please" send me the list of items instead of "You NEED" ? just curious

2)Why do you want DD there when the movers come? just curious again...

3)The insurance info is stated well.

Hey thanks NM.

1. Because I've been asking her for it and she keeps ignoring it. I don't want her to keep bugging me every week about something small she forgot to take!

2. Because I don't trust these mover types of people and I don't want DD to be with STBXW when they go over to her house. I'm very protective of DD.

This is what I would say:

Love it, thank you!! S-N

Just FYI, the company dropped the PPO plan for another PPO-like plan.

[CityGirl]

I just wanted to say (as a general statement) it's not, to me at least, about being on the side of "us" or the LBS. It's not about gender either.

It is unacceptable for somebody to get raked to the core financially when they are not the one who walked out on a marriage and family. That goes for EVERYBODY.

Divorce changes things for BOTH spouses. It is a very unfortunate side of the entire experience but standards of living, income and other "business issues" change for all parties involved. It doesn't mean one party should roll over and go broke just because they happen to have a good job and some cash to burn.

Divorce gets mingled with all kinds of feelings. We are not robots. Divorce though is the actual dissolution of the legal side of divorce. The other side of divorce is what we work on here or in C'ing or whatever support/learning system you choose to participate in.

I realize I misread on another thread and the term BITCHES was used like the book ya'll talk about. Man or woman though there comes a time when you (generally speaking) have to say NO MORE draining.

I do feel for Antlers and Romeo... not because they are my DB friends or because they are men who sometimes get a raw deal via the legal system. I feel for them because all they wanted to do was provide for their family and now the most noble thing in the world is coming back to bite them hard. I would feel for them if they were women - it's sad for them as people!

So yeah, sometimes you have to take an awfully hard stance and it is scary and hurtful and totally out of the realm of what is "normal".

[newmama]

It is unacceptable for somebody to get raked to the core financially when they are not the one who walked out on a marriage and family. That goes for EVERYBODY.

EXACTLY. I go back to my teacher income plus stbxh's child support (pays for daycare and about $500 per month) I think I should be ok. I am not the best with money management, but as long as I save some each month (automatic deduction) and don't go into debt, I guess I will be fine.

[newmama]

Romeo, OH...about the movers....I did not know that! Hmm. I was thinking of using movers next year when I leave this place.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CG, I like you

NM, don't worry about the movers! I don't know I'm just over protective of DD. And if you're worried just have a friend be present with you...I just don't like the idea of 3 or 4 guys and a woman alone in the house you know?

So STBXW responded with a laudry list of piddly stuff like the vases and cereal bowls etc. Then she ended the email with "That is what I can think of for now. It's hard to go over everything in my head since I can't see it all. Hope that helps."

ugh! she did pretty good in her head only forgetting the Q-tips perhaps. But the 'Hope that helps' bugs me.

Anyway, not much new to write lately. Things are going OK I think.