Do we have to just take it?

[LRT Land]

Hi Judy - when I first came here I found it very helpful to read the "quotes" threads - lots of good insight.

DR is a great book. I chose LRT Land as a name because last resort is where I started, and regardless of which path I end up on I wanted to remember where I started. Things are better for me...today...but my M is still full of uncertainty.

It helps to read other stories too. It is sad how common M's fall apart. Sometimes they can be repaired. Sometimes you just need to find "you" again and accept that it's time to move on.

If my M falls apart now, I will be able to honestly say I did everything I could. I couldn't have said that a few weeks ago. My H brought things to a head in a very painful way, which still hurts, but it was necessary and I have accepted that we will either have an improved M or we will part. I don't want to go back to how things were.

What do you want? Are you the best person you can be? Do you treat your mate the way YOU would treat him if all were right in your world?

My H's timing didn't make sense to me at all. It felt all wrong, and so I pushed back in the wrong way initially, then I found DR and this site and started making great strides not only in my M but in how I felt. I wasn't ready to give up on the M. A couple weeks after the letter from his lawyer I told him I would find a lawyer since that seemed to be what he wanted and I didn't want to hurt him anymore (even though I had been hurt and was hurting plenty) but that wasn't what I wanted and thought we owed it to our family to try - that I didn't know if we could get there but I thought we should really try. We had both admitted we had stopped trying for some time.

Each situation is similar and each is different. Read threads and find the pieces that work for you to get YOU to a better place. Then your M will follow if your H can get there too.