sorry ellie that you are dealing with something like this, but the mere fact that she is talking to you about it is a step in the right direction, and it looks like you caught it quick enough
i don't have any advice, but am holding your family in my prayers
Well, just got back from an orthodontist appointment with my D to find all your lovely messages - thanks so much, everybody, it sure feels great to have this support.
I am hopeful that since we have caught it early enough that she is still scared of it rather than entrenched in it, that we can turn it around. It's a fine line to walk between letting her know we take it seriously, and are not minimizing it, and at the same time letting her know she's going to be all right, that this doesn't mean she will become someone with a lifelong serious disorder.
She's actually a pretty confident kid, with a pretty good self image. She's always been a bit of a perfectionist, though. I think what happened is, she developed earlier than many of her friends. She was not chubby but maybe 10 lbs. over her ideal weight, and surrounded by skinny prepubertal girls without breasts and hips. I think at first she just wanted to lose those 10 lbs. and have nice flat abs - but somewhere along the line it became a more compulsive thing, and finally she lost enough weight that she lost her appetite.
I was always slender as a teen, and ate pretty much what I wanted, but when I was in college, there was a period of time when I wanted to get just a little thinner, to look more like the models of the day (early 70's, of course now I know that all the figures I admired were fueled by amphetamines or anorexia!). I dieted for a little while, managed to drop from 118 (my usual weight - slight frame and I had NO muscle mass - hadn't discovered weight training yet!) to 113. At that point I completely lost my appetite. Well, I was smart enough to know that wasn't right, and I really didn't have any eating disorder issues, I'd just been stupidly following the fashion, so I promptly resolved to put the weight back on. I do remember that spooky feeling, though, of having no appetite, and of having to say to myself "it's noon, time to eat, I will eat this half a sandwich even though I'm not hungry". Luckily, as soon as I got back up to 115 my appetite returned to normal and I never had any problems with it again.
I have had patients who did really well if they were discovered early and responded well to Prozac or other drugs. I obviously will have to educate myself on the behavioral therapies. Yesterday I had D promise me that she would not vomit for that day, managed to get about 900 calories into her, plus some multivitamins and essential fatty acid capsules. Instituted a "no flushing" rule in the house so I can be sure she's not vomiting when she goes to the bathroom. This morning she ate a half a large bagel with butter - under protest, but she ate it. I told her it was okay with me if she skipped lunch today - I know she's struggling with the urge to vomit, and I would rather she skipped lunch at school and ate when she gets home at 2:15, than to continue the pattern of vomiting there.
H has been great, he went into work early so he could research more about this, I know he feels so badly because he always wanted to raise her to be strong and self-confident. I am so glad to have him here to help deal with this.
Hi Ellie! Sorry to hear about your D and her struggles. It is so hard to be a girl/woman sometimes. I have 3 Ds and worry about this happening. Everything I say or H says about food is magnified in a girl's mind. My oldest is 14 and about 5 or ten pounds too much. But all I know to do is stress healthy eating and no bingeing. I think she eats to feel happy sometimes. You and your H sound really great! I am so glad to be in a similar sitch. We are back together since Nov. and living together and everything- I have some of those same "dont take it for granted" feelings- I love that! I also seem to obsess about the past. I dont want this to take over my life anymore. Maybe I can fill you in sometime? I guess i have to start my thread again. Good luck with D13 and have a great day! Good to hear about your happiness!!!! Shay I
It looks like you are getting excellent advice here. I know that for your D and your family "this, too will pass" Isn't great that your H is there to help and share with the parenting and the support your D needs right now? I smile every time I think about your post about jumping on his back!
Hang in, SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Quote: Well, just got back from an orthodontist appointment with my D to find all your lovely messages - thanks so much, everybody, it sure feels great to have this support.
After all the support you've given us, it feels great for each of us to be able to give something in return.
It sounds like you are creating an open dialogue with your D by understanding what she is dealing with. I like the things you've done so far.
You're a great Mom. Hugs to you Ellie!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
It touched me to read your post about your D. As I would expect, you're all over it and I'm sure you'll get it worked out.
It's just hard raising kids in this society of ours, huh?
I guess deep down, that's been one of my big motivations for trying to keep my family together - I mean it's hard enough raising a daughter without adding the complexity of separate homes and all the rest.
Anyway, you know I'm praying for you and your family.
It'll be alright.
Thanks again everybody for all the support. Opt - thanks for that link, it led me to a great web site where I have already received some good input from some parents on the bb there.
D seemed to have an okay day yesterday. She ate half a bagel with butter for breakfast - complained, but ate it - and said she was feeling really down at school but then she went to her locker and one of her friends had put a gift of a little stuffed dog in it, with a really sweeT note about how they were all there for her. Thank god she has such great friends
She appeared to eat the pasta salad I left for her in the afternoon - unfortunately, I had to go to an appointment with her brother so I wasn't there to see it, but all the signs (dirty plate, little bit of pasta left in the fridge) looked good. H and I had to go out to dinner (meeting with some co-volunteers on a charity event). We invited her to go with us (favorite Mexican restaurant) - she declined but asked us to bring something home for her. When we got home at 7:30 she ate all of the burrito we brought her while doing her homework and chatting with us - no resistance. I am relieved at least to be getting some calories into her and that she seems to be cooperating. I am fully aware how sneaky kids with this disease can be, though, so I am careful not to take things at face value.
Today I need to interview some therapists. Wish me luck.
