The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Thanks guys. Current visitation is M&Th with her, Tu&Wed with me and every other weekend.
Journaling:
Was a lot of fun to be in a mostly empty house. Made the best of it and could hear the laughter echoing off the walls.
While sitting where the table used to be, I opened the mail to find a card from church congratulating us on the 19th wedding anniversary. That's when I started laughing...I see the irony and humor in things again and I like that.
I interviewed two lawyers over the past few weeks. After the first one I had a therapist appt and while talking to her, it was apparent that wasn't the right lawyer. She didn't know him and he was very interested in litigating. I'm not. That's not what this is about. The therapist recommended several that she labeled as competent. She was right. The lawyer I talked to earlier in the week is very sharp and is not just interested in litigating. I like that. She is more about damage limitations. Limiting the money stbx is going to get etc. I told her I did NOT want to mess with the custody unless very clear it was for the best interests of the kids. I don't see that being an issue right now.
On that note, it's not lost on me that she wants joint custody and yet will hardly be there with the kids. Her mom has been helping her out with the transportation etc of the kids. The kids are NOT happy. I don't blame them. They want to spend time with their mom and she is unavailable - either school or friends seem to get in the way. Can't change that but I notice for the kids sake. I'll keep watching.
Talking it over with the therapist she mentioned it is unusual that couples that come to her have 16 years of a good marriage (it was) and then suddenly one partner just leaves like this. Says she has seen it, but it is not usual. I agree. It is what it is, but it is anything but normal in this situation. I think that's why it has been so hard to come to terms with for me. Christmas was good and then by the following summer she wanted out and hated me. Hard to understand.
I realize now that you can't rationalize the irrational.
I also realize she won't stop trying to control me and won't stop trying to hurt me just because we don't live together. She is still trying. It's weird. I mentioned to the therapist that it was hard to deal with her statement that, "you'll be done and then sometime after that she'll make up her mind." That made things tough to deal with this.
That's behind me now. I realize that while I still hurt, it's not nearly as much as before and I realize that there is no going back. It won't be possible. Only forward. Deal with the pieces and move on.
But I do have to be careful to structure things so that she cannot antagonize in the future. She'll have many more resources to do that.
I got a text from her the other day about my son "freaking out" because there was a car in the driveway. My friend left a car in the driveway and when my son came to the house he thought it was somebody looking at the house. The neighbor called the stbx (why they didn't call me, I don't know), and asked about it. That came to me as "you should tell your son what to expect. I don't care what you do or who you do it with, but you should let him know when there is a car in the driveway." I had already had the conversation with my son, but that's irrelevant for the conversation. I was surprised to hear her even bring that up. I am very clear how she feels about me. In fact, I resent that she even brings it up like that. Feels controlling and mean for some reason. Maybe I'm just sensitive....

Meanwhile, just putting my house and life back together still. Getting some traffic on the house which seems a good thing. Just have to see how that goes. Tough market to sell anything.

AJ