You can't control or change her. You can only control your own actions. She may decide to change, if given the proper incentives and motivation.
She isnt changing.
Period.
I know that. You cannot change who you are. And frankly, I wouldnt want her to.
What I wanted here was her to compromise what she was doing, in the manner I was. When she failed to do that, it all fell apart.
Now, I dont want her to not be who she is, and she tells me she will always be poly. But she has always told me, that just because she is poly, doesnt mean she needs to practice it.
She is hurting and unfocused right now, but I am watching her actions. She acts good to me most of the time, starts feeling good about us then turns around and says something to sabotage it. Her wavering is driving me nuts. I get the pain, the conflict, but if you decide to do something then do it. Me Im dumb, I will stick around and try to wait this out. But I am trying to wait it out in a manner that says,"If you leave you leave I not going to die without you."
I simply dont want to sitting in a situation anymore where she has complete control over my emotional and physical life. Which is exactly where she driving our relationship right now.
I apologize for appearing unfocused and all over the map here. I have been dealing with more stress then I ever thought was possible. On top of that my job all by itself is enough to drive most people to an early grave with all the stress. I am just not getting a break anywhere.
Ill try to be more clear in my future posts...be more consise in what IM attempting to do here.
