tired of this

[A_goodman]

You guys are really good for me. I was tired last night and I guess I was just feeling a little low. I know I have to stay positive about myself. I know I have a long row to hoe. And since I'm not dead, I'm going to have emotions that play havoc sometimes with my "cool". I especially anticipate this as we get farther along. Either way, I expect some emotional conflict.

Either she's going, which will be hard on me. I tend to get nostalgic and it won't be easy walking away from 17 years of my life. There's a lot of good memories from that. At least now I know that I plan on making that walk if need be with my head held high. Also, I don't plan to call myself "left behind". No, I'm walking forward. You won't be able to find me by going back to where we were. I'll be long gone.

The other alternative is she stays. Then I have a long road of enforcing my boundaries. I think she has been happily ignoring the subject; and that's ok for now. I want her to freely decide on this path, because she's got some serious changes to make before we can start forging ahead. Luckily, I'm using my time wisely and makeing my changes now.

It is going to be hard either way. On both of us.

I can't promise I won't belly-ache from time to time. At least I know I can count on you guys to straighten me out when I need it.

Thanks again.