Seperated But Living Together

[warriorshadow]

I'm trying. And its harder to GAL in this new town where I don't know anyone.

This past week he was calling me 2-3x a day. Which he hasn't done in months. Even asking about the baby. Now today its this.

Then he says you know its over so why do I have to keep telling you? What can't you just understand it?!

Just looking at these last two separate statements says your husband is confused. This confusion is part of the depression and lasts a long time. The pain you feel is normal and you would not be here if it did not hurt.

Hold it together for now. Keep some of that communication to a minimum. It won't be healthy for you to engage in that type
of activity.

You are not nuts.
The destruction I see from your H is showing me he is nuts.
Two D's at home with a baby on the way and behaving the way
he is is not normal. If this is not the H you had a couple several years ago then something has changed and it sure looks
like he is trying to run. MLC'rs want to run from responsibilities. All responsibilities. You have to be the rock
through this difficult time.
It is his drama right now.
You cannot afford to participate in it.
Your D's cannot afford for you to participate in it.
So Please, Please,
Let him go for now and realize you don't want him if
he is like this right now anyway.
Once you can do that, you will get some calm in your
self and focus on YOU and your D's.
This will not stay this way. He will flip back and forth again
and again. If you fight this with him, he will not flip back enough and you will not gain what you need to deal with the future with him or without him.
I really feel for you now cause I have been through a lot
of this. I know how painful it is. You have the tools and
people to help you get through so use them.

[2gthrButApart]

Should I contest the divorce since we've never had counseling, & request counseling from the court?

[warriorshadow]

Should I contest the divorce since we've never had counseling, & request counseling from the court?

First off,
There is no divorce since he has not filed yet.
If he filed today, contesting the divorce is sure to push him
away and any counseling you did (get him to go to) (control)
would be futile. You would be hurt and frustrated.
BUT that is if he filed TODAY.
He did not file TODAY.
Sorry to show it this way but if you can stay calm for a few weeks, you MAY see something different.
I can only say this stuff because I have gone through so much
of this myself. Yes, each sitch is different and it all comes
down to YOU again. Keep reading, keep posting with questions,
you will get answers along the way.

[seeking answers]

2,

Let him go and let him run.

Quit trying to lure him back. You can't miss what is always in front of you.

Work on yourself, become the best option. You can only do this work when you stop focusing on H and turn it towards you.

Your H is viewing you using the kids as pressure. Pressure equals running behavior.

You're it 2. You're going to have to fill in for a while with your kids in your H's place. You can't force him to parent them.

Step up to the plate 2, it sucks, but you're it for right now.

As far as GALing is concerned, I agree, it would be harder when you're pregnant. Now would be the time to search out some single mother's groups in your area and start making friends. You really could help each other out by trading off babysitting time.


You can do this.

[2gthrButApart]

The pregnancy makes it harder. He hasn't gone to any doc appt and doesn't plan to. I find out the sex on Tuesday and I'll be finding out with just my 2 D's. The hormones don't help with detaching. I find it harder now. And as each milestone takes place I can't even really share it with him. It's like my daughters are the dad.

He thinks I didn't abort it to try to trap him. To make him come back. But that's not why. It's my baby.

[seeking answers]

2,

That just goes to show you how messed up the MLCer can be. If your first two daughters didn't keep him home, why did he think that you got pregnant on purpose to bring him back?

All of it is spew, please don't take it personally.

2, this is a tough row to hoe and it's not going be over quickly.

Share the joy of the new baby with your daughters. Let them mother hen you a little. it will create a strong bond between all of you.

Do you have any friends or family near by?

[Truegritter]

He thinks I didn't abort it to try to trap him.

So why didn't you abort?

[2gthrButApart]

I have my mother near by only. I'm afraid of post partum depression this time. I usually don't want to bother with anyone or anything now bc I know he's out looking to move on with someone new. I just have been keeping to myself not even talking much bc all of this is hurting way too much like it's the first I've heard of it from him. It was different when we were still in the same home. This is new and I hate it. I just wanted the family life I didn't grow up with. And neither did he.

[seeking answers]

2, Don't go borrowing trouble. You may or may not have PPD. If you do, talk to your Dr. right away.

Is your OB informed of your sitch? Are you taking good care of yourself throughout this pregnancy?

[2gthrButApart]

No I haven't mentioned it. Its embarrassing, I guess its a bit of denial on my part, & my girls go to the appts with me so I don't like to speak in front of them.