Quote: Have you noticed that things are looking up for LDwife over on her thread?
yes, and I am so happy for her. I was so afraid that she was going to stay stuck in casting her H as the bad guy, when the rest of her account made it pretty clear that he was a pretty good guy
Kitti - Boca Raton is just north of Fort Lauderdale - unfortunately, nowhere near Jacksonville Ellie
Quote: Last night, was lying in bed with H, falling asleep. I was just kind of overcome with happiness about him being there and kind of hopped on his back and gave him a big hug (no words). H said "yeah, I'm feeling the same way"
Ellie
This is great! This is wonderful when you can express your spontaneous feelings without the worry of the effect it will have.
Thank you, Ellie, for posting on my thread. I truly value your opinions. In particular, your idea of athletic companionship being important really hits home for me. Don't want to highjack your thread - just wanted to say thank you.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Okay, everybody. today I need your advice. I am feeling really stupid for having missed these signs (no, it doesn't have anything to do with H).
Yesterday afternoon I got a call from the school counselor. Long story short - my beautiful D13 has developed bulimia.
We've always tried so hard to talk with her as she was growing up about healthy body images, and how unrealistic those models are, and how they are mostly sick with anorexia. I always took care not to "diet" in front of the kids. She always took pride in her great muscles and athletic strength. I was even aware that she might be at risk, being a perfectionistic middle child, and given the family drama of last year. Still, I missed the signs - boy, kids can be sneaky - and I thank god for her girlfriends who spoke to the counselor at school.
I think her prognosis is good - although the anorexia has been going on for a few months, the bulimia only started a month ago, and only really became frequent a week ago, according to her. She is worried about the fact that she has lost her appetite, and although she says she still feels fat, she also says she knows she isn't and is worried about things like her lack of concentration in school. She is underweight but probably only by 10 lbs. or so.
We will, of course, be getting her into counseling right away, and hopefully onto meds. I'm sure others of you out there have been through this and can offer me some sage advice.
Sorry to hear about your daughter, {{{{Ellie}}}}. She is going to need a lot of love and support from you two, but I am confident in your ability to rise to any challenge...
I am sure you already have researched the literature on ED and have lined up all the guns... It's the nature of the beast... but I happened to remember an old thread of Berto's you may want to check out. His W has an ED, as does mike101's. Here is the link. Of course there are a few issues of a 'marital' nature that you'll have to skip, but quite a few people post about their experience, first or second hand, with ED.
Also, and I hate to ask, has your D had any 'bad' experience in school involving boys?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I'm sorry about your daughter. Eating disorders are so common now...very serious, but hopefully you caught it in plenty of time.
Before there was any talk of anorexia, bullemia, etc., I started taking laxatives when I was a teenager to try to lose weight. And I did - but some kind of health problem cropped up quickly and scared me (I don't even remember what it was). I stopped then, thank goodness.
Most teenage girls have a bad body image, or so it seems. It doesn't matter always what you portray to them - my family ate healthily, my mom didn't really diet, etc. But I guess part of my thing came from the times that my mom said I was fat (I wasn't). I don't think that is the majority of the reason, though. It just was a teenage thing, I was pretty fit actually. I remember trying Dexatrim (or similar), a diet candy product, everything.
I guess I never did anything worse because I hate to throw up and still will do everything possible not to (I haven't in about 20 years). Plus, I love food.
The weird thing is - I have heard that having all the anorexia information on the Web has often * encouraged * kids, not stopped them. There are kids with pro-anorexia websites, it is really quite scary.
Sadly, this is one area where I have a little experience. One of my best friends and former roommates is recovering bulimic. She's been good for about 14 years now, but it took a lot of work.
Plus, in our spare time, Mr. W. and I run a nonprofit for kids with pediatric feeding problems--not the same ball of wax but is frequently categorized as the same. It has forced us to get more knowledge in both areas, though our "expertise" lies in the former category.
Patience, dear lady. Your daughter's self perception has not deteriorated over night. It's going to take a lot of work to help her work on her self esteem. Therapy is THE place for that.
I would definitely make sure that the therapist in question is very skilled in eating disorders--ask about the successful treatment rate as well. Explain to the therapist that you are in this for the long haul and not willing to cut corners to save time and money.
If you don't, the problem will resurface in college... and I think you have a great attitude and chance for success before she heads to college.
It might also help if you and your H head to a few sessions on parenting a child with an ED. There is definitely protocol involved... sort of like rules of engagement: as you wouldn't tell a depressed person to cheer up, you don't tell a person with an ED to smile and feel better about their body image.
The good news is that her friends came to the rescue early on. Let's just hope she sees their intervention for what it is and doesn't go out and get some new ones.
I know you're in a better position than most with this challenge, Ellie. You know the DB rules, which will definitely apply to your D. Now you just have to get your H on board too...
Somehow, I think you will handle this one A-OK. Your D is lucky to have you.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
ellie, I just found this...I'm so sorry to hear, but you are indeed blessed that it seems to have been caught early. I will be holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
Ellie, this is a tough one, but please don't beat yourself up for not having picked up on it.
I always worried about my boy regarding substance abuse. Dispite my watching for any "signs", one of my sons successfully hid a serious addiction problem for quite awhile. When he finally came to me (thank God) and told me that he wanted to go to treatment, I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen it! Later, when he did go to treatment, it all came out the extent he had gone to hide it--wow.
All you can really do is fully engage when this kind of thing comes to light. {{Ellie}}
but I happened to remember an old thread of Berto's you may want to check out. His W has an ED, as does mike101's. 