Seperated But Living Together

[lolawar]

Why is he sending you the same message over and over again?
Are you responding to him?

[warriorshadow]

If he is texting you that, what are YOU texting before and after those texts?

[Truegritter]

He said it's on me' and it's just way too late to ever fix anything now. I think he's telling me' the truth. I don't think it's MLC talk.

It is on you.

Everything is your choice.

What you have to figure out is what YOU want.

And

Listen to what he is telling you. he is telling you the truth.

His truth.

He doesn't want this. Right now.

That doesn't mean he won't at some point later...who knows?

That is hope if you choose it.

The important thing here is to find out what you believe in and stand up for it.

Let someone make that choice for you...

then where does it end? You become a pawn to someone elses life and choices.

Honor your H's choices whether you agree with them or not. Not support but honor. Respect his right to make them.

Now

Recognize you have this power too.

Don't make your choice based on someone's bad behavior.

Make your own choice because of what you believe in.

[2gthrButApart]

He had said he's not coming up to see the kids this wknd. He says it's bc of me. I told him they were excited to see him. He said you try to make it about the kids but it's not. I've made up my mind I don't want you. We will never be together and I have my appt with the lawyer 8/30 so I'm filing the paperwork soon.

Then he had the nerve to say I'm nuts. And still blames me' 100%. Oct will make 2 yrs of this. But he just moved out in March.

[seeking answers]

2,

You do what you have to. Is throwing in the towel what you want to do?

What have you done for yourself?

The focus has to switch from your H to you and your kids.

You can't change his mind, help or fix him right now. You can help yourself though.

Again, detaching does not mean to stop loving or having hope. It is for you. It helps you to step back and quit getting sucked into your H's drama.

It doesn't matter whether your H is MLC or a WA, he is still running and using booze as his band-aids, and his spew are projections about how he really feels about himself. If something stings during one of those sessions, take a closer look at it. It may be something you may want to work on.

Take care.

[2gthrButApart]

I'm trying. And its harder to GAL in this new town where I don't know anyone.

This past week he was calling me 2-3x a day. Which he hasn't done in months. Even asking about the baby. Now today its this.

Then he says you know its over so why do I have to keep telling you? What can't you just understand it?!

[warriorshadow]

2gthr,
You wrote:

Then he says you know its over so why do I have to keep telling you? What can't you just understand it?!

I have heard similar from my wife this last April. Now is the
time for you to dig deep for patience. Get off of the "he said this
now I will answer him with this" bus. He does not deserve any answer from you when he talks like this. He is fighting against himself big time here.

[warriorshadow]

I know it hurts right now but your kids are insulated from this stuff at this point if he is just talking to you. It is how you behave and react around your kids that will tell volumes about you.
You have to let him go. If he has an appointment on 8/30, that is
a lot of time for him to think about this from my experience.

[2gthrButApart]

The girls hold in their feelings in so I tell him when they miss him.

He said I will not jump every time just b/c you say... Using the kids to get what you want is not working & the more you try the more I will stay away.
So I guess I'll have to let them hold it in when they miss him or get excited to see him.

[Truegritter]

Then he says you know its over so why do I have to keep telling you? What can't you just understand it?!

Listen to him.

Drop your weapons and stop fighting this.

Protect yourself and your children in every way.

Live your life like he is not coming back.

Focus on you and your children.