Yeah I took the chance. Its not that. I recognize my failure here.But I trusted her not to do this.I mean, she told me we wouldnt get here. And I think thats what is happening for me now. I feel foolish and stupid to have trusted her.
You took the chance.
It is that.
A "chance" isn't a guarantee, it's a chance, a chance at success or a chance at failure.
You took your chance and you failed.
Trusting someone who is openly "polyamoric" (if that's even a word), was the mistake. The trust came from someone (you) who was essentially monogamous, and applied to someone who is polygamous (your wife). The two aren't congruent but you feel somehow that your original misplaced trust should have been respected by your wife because you "trusted her" to do the right thing.
This was your mistake.
You trusted her to be someone she isn't but you have a problem with it because you believe somehow your trust negates her inherent nature to be polygamous. Regardless if you say you understand/understood her polygamous nature and knew what you were getting into, you obviously had problems with it.
You feel dumb & stupid now because you are only now realizing that you can't tell the zebra to remove it's stripes.
She has had numerous lovers, "boyfriends", while being married to you, you have essentially "trained" her (for lack of a better word, "programming" comes to mind as well) that what she does is ok with you. You had unrealistic expectations that she wasn't to fall in love and get serious with one of her boyfriends/lovers. Why this restriction? If you have conceded the fact that she is polyamorous/polygamous, and given the fact that she fell in "love" with you one time many years ago, a polyamorous/polygamous person is by their very nature going to fall in love with several other people and guess what happens after that, they tend to forget their previous mates/partners.
But you somehow feel cheated because of this realization, you feel dumb & stupid to finally find this out now, I hate to agree with you but I think I have to in this circumstance. How you lasted this long is beyond me.
I guess. But you have to trust the person you are with to take care of your interests. In a loving relationship I have to believe taht my partner isnt going to be so childish that she only cares about her own needs.
Yet that is they case.
I survived this long because IM an extemely optimistic person normaly. Very easy going.
