2nd M 2nd separation just starting

[pinhead]

Dsh,

How would you respond to her if she had said the things in the journal directly to you?

[dsh4320]

Her journal is all over the place, talks about that our M is over, that maybe her next "love" will not have issues. talks about lying, teaching the kids respect. She touches on how I wasnt there in the past to help with the kids. She writes about after our 2nd child she was being told she had post partum, but then writes about how she was fine after our 1st child.

I really just want to write her back and say they are your feelings, I should not have read them and I dont feel the need for me to interpret those feelings.

[TimeHeals]

really just want to write her back and say they are your feelings, I should not have read them and I dont feel the need for me to interpret those feelings.

You shouldn't interpret them, but you are just saying you are avoiding confrontation, and there isn't neccessarily a need for confrontation, and if you are honest without arguing about what she feels or trying to explain away her feelings?

You see what I mean?

I am sorry you felt that I wasn't there for the kids more often, I am sorry about lying, and I am sorry you didn't feel respected. Or...

The more generic... there's a lot of tough stuff in there, I am so sorry you felt that way.

[pinhead]

I wouldn't make it a laundry list of apologies for every transgression. That sounds needy and clingy. Plus a bit insincere.

I also wouldn't discuss it via email etc. Talk to her in person when you can.

[dsh4320]

thanks guys,

I will send her a short text, and also acknowledge the fact the details need to be discussed in person.


actually I decided not send a text. I am going to leave it alone for now, I told her to do what she needed to do in the last text.

[dsh4320]

so she keeps texting,

She writes no opinion? what did you think you were going to find?

I am responding with:

My opinion does not matter, they are your feelings, and once again I have violated that trust.I have to focus on what I need to do for me.

[TimeHeals]

I was kind of partial to ... "there's a lot of tough stuff in there, I am so sorry you felt that way".

[robx]

of course she keeps texting,
just because she's angry doesn't mean she's done,
not from my observations on this at any rate.

You could text back
"I'm not sure what I was going to find, curiousity got the better of me"

and that's it.

[Four_More_Years]

I was kind of partial to ... "there's a lot of tough stuff in there, I am so sorry you felt that way".

I'm a little more partial to "I am so sorry for any part I played in making your feel that way." I know the other is very standard DB validation, but my husband says that to me when he doesn't want to listen to whatever I'm saying and it comes across as very "tough [censored], sorry you feel that way", which helps nothing. It's a tone thing, no doubt, but if you're texting? Might very well be taken wrong.

[robx]

"feelings..... nothing more than feelings......"

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

Let her express her feelings on this issue for the time being,
he can listen and reply accordingly if necessary.

He has already apologized, he doesn't need to continue apologizing over & over again for the same thing.

If he continues to text her and explain what he's done,
telling her he's sorry for his part in making her feel that way, etc. etc. etc. after a while it comes off as pursuing, wanting to change how she feels, excessive communication and right now she wants to be the one talking, she wants to vent.

Throughout all of this, I would very much prefer no texting or emailing, dsh just tell her if she wants you guys can discuss this in person face to face later today, txting is not very personal when it comes to communication like this.