It's ok. I deserve a bit of ribbing for my past wishy washy behavior. That message I sent back last year was a mistake in that I didn't entirely follow through on it, but it did change my whole demeanor toward my W, and was a big step in the right direction. Our whole dynamic pivoted that day. I took control of my life. I compelled her to go mediation, I was tough with her, I insisted we do Christmas completely separate, I refused to allow her to take the kids out of the country. When it came to finalizing our legal papers though, I knew I was still too angry to do it with a clear head, so I put it off for a few months, and while I did, she came around to me, and here we are.
I have detached significantly since then. This new message will not be delivered by e-mail, but rather face to face. It will not be laced with anger or resentment. Although the thought of divorce has been too much for me to bear in the past, even I have been slowly broken down. We've been physically separated for a year and a half. Our M has been emotionally non-existent for another year on top of that. If we can't move toward reconciliation, our M has to end. I need to move on.
I don't think I've posted here that a couple months ago, when our reconciliation was looking good, my W invited me to go to Disney World with her and the kids. She even bought a plane ticket for me. Last night she sent me a picture of her brother's new puppy, from my daughter. This morning she texted me, saying they were excited about going to the beach today, asking how I am, and how I feel about going to Disney. I responded a couple hours later with "Hi W, I'm good. Swamped this morning. Thanks for the message from D6 last night. Us going to Disney together isn't appropriate if we are dating other people. Enjoy the beach. Sounds great."
