Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[Coach]

My thoughts & prayers are with you.

Me too Antlers. Glad that you got some relief from the immediate stress.

Cheers

[Gardener]

ant,

Sitting in a mediators office will also give you a chance to show her the new you and an impartial party will not allow 'abuse' by either of you towards the other in any form, including disrespect.

Bridge is right. I found it's also true that the same dynamic that got you there and the same tensions that exist right now are gonna fill that room.
That was my experience, anyway.

[antlers]

Hi Bridgestone.

I am too. Don't know how it'll go, but it's worth a shot. I'd like to avoid a trial.

I hope that it can be worked out to.

I don't know if we'll be in the same room or not when we go to mediation.

I appreciate your good thoughts.

Thank You.

[antlers]

My thoughts & prayers are with you.

Me too Antlers. Glad that you got some relief from the immediate stress.

Cheers

Hi Coach.

Thank you for your good thoughts.

I did get some relief...man, I've been under a bunch of stress over the last couple of months. Yesterday, instead of going to trial, I did a 55 mile bicycle ride with a couple of friends instead. It was nice. Got the ol' endorphins going.
Been gettin' nastygrams from her recently..."the only person you love is you", and stuff like that, especially when I tell her how much I love our kids. "I will NEVER forgive you for telling the kids the LIES that you have. I'm done talking to you".
My response..."I'm done period. I've accepted the current situation and I'll be fine".

[antlers]

ant,

Sitting in a mediators office will also give you a chance to show her the new you and an impartial party will not allow 'abuse' by either of you towards the other in any form, including disrespect.

Bridge is right. I found it's also true that the same dynamic that got you there and the same tensions that exist right now are gonna fill that room.
That was my experience, anyway.

I dunno if we'll be in the same room or not. Not really looking forward to it, but I'd really like to avoid a trial. There is still, apparently, a tremendous amount of hatred that remains on her part.

[CityGirl]

I am so pleased you did not have to endure a trial. Like you, my H and his legal counsel waited until the 11th hour to inform me and my counsel they did not want a trial nor a divorce. It's a relief yet hell when an attny and a WAS decides to play on emotions.

Since your situation is so volatile I would bet that you and your W will be in separate rooms and the mediator will move from room to room during negotiations. I assume your attny will be present during mediation?

Her hatred is HER problem. Maybe one day she will see that her choice to remain in the cycle of hatred has yielded her nothing more than damaged children and relationships. Or maybe not. Either way you are a good man.

Almost three years later my H is now back to sending me very nasty texts and e-mails. I equate it to a petulant child who can't seem to find their way and is too spoiled to realize "finding their way" takes work. His self proclaimed happiness sure is cluttered with lots of anger and insecurity. Sounds an awful lot like your W.

[antlers]

I am so pleased you did not have to endure a trial. Like you, my H and his legal counsel waited until the 11th hour to inform me and my counsel they did not want a trial nor a divorce. It's a relief yet hell when an attny and a WAS decides to play on emotions.

Since your situation is so volatile I would bet that you and your W will be in separate rooms and the mediator will move from room to room during negotiations. I assume your attny will be present during mediation?

Her hatred is HER problem. Maybe one day she will see that her choice to remain in the cycle of hatred has yielded her nothing more than damaged children and relationships. Or maybe not. Either way you are a good man.

Almost three years later my H is now back to sending me very nasty texts and e-mails. I equate it to a petulant child who can't seem to find their way and is too spoiled to realize "finding their way" takes work. His self proclaimed happiness sure is cluttered with lots of anger and insecurity. Sounds an awful lot like your W.

Thank You...me too, I'm glad we didn't have a trial yesterday...and I hope we don't have to have one period! It does almost seem like it was done intentionally that way...at the last minute.

I would rather she and I be in separate rooms with the mediator moving from room to room during negotiations. Nope, I don't think my attorney will be there.

I appreciate you saying that I'm a good man. I'm definately a better man, and certainly a better father, than I've ever been. And I agree with what you say about her hatred being her problem...and the fact that so far it has only yielded damaged children. Although she assures me that she is "happier than I've been in 15 years". She now has bleach blond hair, has lost significant weight, does FaceBook, and Zumba, etc., all big changes.

Her self-proclaimed happiness is cluttered with lots of anger for sure!

[Gardener]

ant,

I would rather she and I be in separate rooms with the mediator moving from room to room during negotiations.

If not, then request it. Should be no problem. Insist if you have to.

I appreciate you saying that I'm a good man. I'm definately a better man, and certainly a better father, than I've ever been.

For months, I've witnessed a good decent man and a very loving father grow - painfully - as a person.

As we all have.

You are a good person, ant:


Keep telling yourself
that you can heal from this.
You are a good person.

No one deserves to be abandoned.
Nothing you did warranted this kind
of treatment from the woman who
promised to love you.

The issue lies within your wife.
It is a flaw in her that has caused
her to walk out on you.
You do deserve better treatment.

It is better to be alone and happy
than to be with someone
who would choose to leave.

Susan Anderson
The Journey From Abandonment To Healing


Peace,

[antlers]

Hi Gardener.

If it's not set up for us to be in separate rooms, then I will request it...I hope it won't be a problem.

Thank You G. I've seen this from an earlier post of yours and I really like it.

[antlers]

My son and I are going on a vacation...a last big 'hurrah' before school starts. My son is stoked! Although she takes the kids to Texas and doesn't inform me, I feel like I should let her know that he and I are heading out west (we're going to Las Vegas). He will miss his school registration, as will many other kids who are still on summer vacation that day, but I've already talked to them and they said it's OK because he can just come and register when he gets back. I'd like to run this text by you guys before I send it to her...


"Son and I are leaving Saturday morning (July 31) to go on vacation. We will return on Wednesday (August 11). We are going out West (Las Vegas). I've already talked to the school district about his registration and they said 'no problem, he can register when he gets back'."


Whaddya folks think? Good enough?