Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Well, I continue to, as Coach would say, “handle things”. Taking care of some very difficult things with the bank this week with house but I think all my hard work paid off and I got things worked out. Once again I am the only one taking care of things as W says she will do things but hasn’t. When she offers and I say ok she then says well, if you want to call them that’s ok too. Same old situation, same as last two years.

Anyway, I feel I’m really stepping up as a man this week and taking care of things. W has said she appreciates me handling this and the work that I’ve done. I’m not doing it to impress her, instead because it needs to be done and is the right thing to do. The issue should be taken care of today and take a lot of stress off of W…and me.

She also emailed me the agreement yesterday for me to list the house. Lots of things in the agreement that do not pertain to me listing the house. Some things in the agreement had more to do with separation and how certain bills would be paid. I read it but didn’t get all worked up which was a 180 for me. I called her later in the day yesterday very cheerful and thanked her for getting the agreement to me and that I would take a look at it and get back to her. I also mentioned this bank issue and updated her. I said that I would call her this morning to discuss the bank issue so we can make a decision as I was waiting for some information first necessary to make a decision about bank. Since that message I think I have the bank issue resolved. I called her this morning and she answered right away which she never does, I was surprised. I asked if this was a bad time and she said she was getting ready to go into a meeting. I gave her a quick one minute update and asked to her call me back to discuss…didn’t keep her on the phone like last time. She said she would call me after her meeting.

She seemed ok on the phone today. She also agreed with me on the decision we should make regarding bank. She had been disagreeing with me about this issue for the past two weeks and today she agreed with me. To me the decision we have to make is a no brainer but I didn’t fight her or try to control her to accept my thinking like I would have in the past. I simply gave her the information, said this is what I think, asked her what she thought and just listened and validated…didn’t necessarily agree but said I hear what she’s saying. I wanted her to make the decision with me (together) rather than it just being me. I encouraged her to ask her attorney for the info too as was advised to me here. I’m happy that has agreed with me now about what we should do with this bank issue. I’m also happy that I didn’t push my agenda (big 180 for me) and gave her space to arrive at this decision on her own.

I’m going to change certain things in the agreement and send it back to her for her to review. If this agreement is really about doing what’s best (selling the house) then she should be ok with my changes. The things I’m taking out are items discussing separation and division of bills. There is absolutely no reason for those items to be included in this agreement and I have been advised to take them out.

Saw W at the gym last night with her GF. W walked by me and looked the other way. She’s being so immature. You would think with everything I’m doing to help us with the house that she could at least acknowledge me and look my way. Whatever, it doesn’t bother me, just making an observation. I can at least be civil with her in public. Was talking to a friend of mine at the gym last night. He said he saw her on Wednesday night and said hello. Said W said she saw me there on Wednesday too. I was at the other end of the gym where the field is playing my soccer game. Kind of surprised she even told my friend she saw me, he never mentioned me in the conversation until she said she saw me. I’ve stopped trying to figure her out.

Had my IC appointment yesterday. W never got back to me if she wanted to go. She told me last week she would. Said how she told me before that she would go for her reasons. When I finally told her last week that was fine and let’s go she agreed. Well, when I left her the message (Robx’s advice) this week I told her about my appt. this week and next and if she wanted to go she was welcome. Again, going for her reasons (closure) was fine. She has completely ignored that part of my message. So I guess she doesn’t want to go after all…even for her reasons.

My counselor said there’s no question the big problem with W and I is communication. He said it’s unfortunate that she is unwilling to communicate right now. I asked him what I should do about next week’s appt., should I mention it to W again? He said to wait a few days and take care of the bank stuff first and then email her about the appt. and just say again that she is welcome to come but the decision is up to her. He said if she doesn’t respond to just drop it at that point as it’s clear she’s not really ready even though she said she would go.

I asked him his thoughts on me dating and if thought it would have any affect. He wasn’t sure about the affect but said that it goes against what I have told W. I have told her that I have wanted to work on M and that if I dated it would go against that...sending her mixed signals. He suggested that I not date especially if I am fairly certain that my W is not dating.

So that’s the update for today. I’m not letting my thoughts be consumed by her anymore. Just taking care of the bank and house agreement and that’s it for now.