Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

Another mistake made last night. God, I'm such an IDIOT.

I didn't talk to her much at all yesterday, she initiated all the calls, but I was feeling really really down and noticed that she was on FB for a while around 10:30pm and she hadn't called for goodnight yet. I waited a while but then paranoia and loneliness got the best of me and I called her. Chatted for about 15 minutes, but I could tell she wasn't in the mood to talk as she had been earlier in the day. She was eating while we were on the phone and paying little attention to the conversation.

I then told her I missed her, and this house was a pretty lonely place at night - etc.... basically I started down the road of "You left when things weren't right and you're gone for 10 days and I'm going crazy here." BONEHEAD move. Made me seem weak and stupid.

I can keep myself pretty busy during the days and afternoons with work and hobbies, but the nights are what gets me - especially late at night when this house is empty, no one is around but me and my thoughts. I'm going insane here, doing stupid stuff, being paranoid, being needy, everything that is wrong with being a good DB.

Again, I yelled after getting off the phone at the top of my lungs inside the house for maybe 10 mintues - which is VERY rare for me because I never yell even in arguments. I'm hoarse today I took some unisom for sleep and it didn't work for about another hour. I guess tonight I'll take one earlier and just try to sleep to get my mind off this stuff. It seems my only escape lately has been sleep - and even then I dream of her. This is terrible!