You answered my next question before I could ask. I was going to ask if you thought it was alright to ask her what you mentioned before.....
You have always been a good wife and good mother, what on earth would make you have such a wide character switch? To give up on you family without trying? This is not an attribute of a good mother, which I always thought you were.
NNNNnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
This is NOT something you SAY to her ("you can't teach a wayward"). I was just pointing those things OUT to you so you'd know that it's extremely likely that an OM is causing these effects on her.
The #1 thing people do wrong with "confront-and-expose" is that they do it in dribs and drabs. That only comes off as weak, defensive, accusatory and controlling. There are pro's and con's about the wisdom of exposing when DBing, but if you ARE going to do it, the ONLY way to do it is to get ALL of your intel, confront them with the "I know all about you and so-and-so, and it needs to stop; this is incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage and to our family" speech, and then leave it in their lap.
You do NOT go to them and try to get them to self-confess, or try to "teach" them.
