Morning! Thank you all for your wishes,and I would like you to know that MIL passing was such a blessing. A friend of mine describes her (then) 5 yr old, upon being told that a family member was passing, responded," ______ is going to meet Jesus!" made into a song and skipping down the hospital hall. That is how the whole funeral felt. God is truly driving this car I am a passenger in. TJ drove 3 daughters and myself back to the bachelor pad. No son in laws, they opted out on airfare rates. So it was just our nuclear family again, in the car for an hour +. TJ and I exchanged knowing glances. I know God provided this family time. Probably never happen again. We did not take it for granted.
I am loved and supported by TJ's family and extended family. I have learned to follow Snodderly's advice: don't seek the answers by questions and snooping, let the answers fall in your lap. I have learned: TJ has told extended family that we are dating, and we have bought a house together. He doesn't care what eldest brother thinks of all this. He wanted me next to him. He told people we are retiring down there in a couple of years. AND his sister, without prompting from me, ask TJ if OW is still in the picture. His response: "She is in the rearview mirror. I have not seen or heard from her for awhile".
He is coming to attend a wedding with me tonite. I thought he was turning around and going back to MI in the morning, but he ask me if I wanted to play golf Sat. afternoon. I guess he is staying!!!!! I plan on leaving Sunday to return to lake and no internet. He and D23 will join me for the last week of my 3 week stay.
I have accomplished my goal of putting my family back together again. For the first time, I am not steps ahead of reality with my "wants" for my R with TJ. I have him in my life, and my autonomy. I am exactly where I want to be:
Dating an amazing man.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
For the first time, I am not steps ahead of reality with my "wants" for my R with TJ. I have him in my life, and my autonomy. I am exactly where I want to be:
Dating an amazing man.
Holly, A true testement to Letting Go and Letting God!!!!
That statement says it all:
I am not steps ahead of reality with my "wants" for my R with TJ.
Is this not the goal of what we aim to do.....Lovingly detach, Love from a distance and have no expectations, but remain hopeful.
You are Blessed, Thank you for sharing your journey.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. It's encouraging to see that reconnection can occur even after D. Almost 2 years post-bomb I had been seriously thinking about giving up for good when my XH began to peek his head out of the tunnel a bit recently. Your posts gave me a context within which to view my situation. So thank you!
STill good, and he has definitely lost MLC trappings. OW is "in the rearview mirror" (his words to his sister) He is trying to change the parts of him that he is not proud of (quick to raise his voice in anxious moments? is the best way to describe) He is concerned with my feelings. He takes responsibility for past and present issues.
I am very proud of the man. He is still TJ, warts and all, but I want him in my life. We see each other every 2-3 weeks but text or speak regularly. I tend to think this helps our reconciliation; he gets to be lonely and reflect and think. Privately. No words of love, but all the other signs of it. I am expecting it to take about 1 year. Another thing I think contributes to our (early) success: I am not afraid of being hurt. I am ready to take the risk. TJ was not a terribly mean MLC. I just left him alone. I let him steer the boat! He makes 90% of the contacts, and I respond to 98% of them. I have not felt the need to bring up all the pain and guilt for him, with the help of this forum I have learned that they DO feel guilt and pain and regret, I don't have to punish him. He punishes himself. We are done walking on eggshells. I am not sure if I see many changes in the man. I was expecting more. A blend of old and new. Mostly the guy who I was married to for so long. Each of us has to take our own journey. Whether we gain our spouse back, move on or become self sufficient is of our own choosing. It does get easier, but 4+ years in the pain was still there, but now it is gone. Pain was my old friend. I dare say I miss it? I always have been one crazy backwards b!tch. Wishing all of you the best, DO take care of yourself, Holly06-10.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
