How can one person save a marriage that the other does not want to save? You can't, you detach and let go. You concetrate on making yourself the best person you can be. The rest will work itself out.
WRONG. NOT WHEN THERE IS INFIDELITY INVOLVED.
What you describe is what we call around here the "Little Bo-Peep" approach, Gator. You know, "leave them alone, and they'll come home, wagging their tails behind them." There's a real problem with that, but before I even get to that, since when did "it'll work itself out" become a PLAN???
Anyway, there's TWO problems with your current thinking, Gator:
1) You're in NO FRAME OF MIND right now to make such an important decision as "How to handle the potential end of my marriage, and the end of my intact family." No, you can't wait a week or two to make a decision about your best course of action here, but you DON'T need to be deciding anything TODAY. You just had the other half of a huge BOMB drop on you for godssakes.
2) If she is having an affair (and I am 99% certain that she is), then she is ADDICTED.
From my personal archives:
“Affairs are ADDICTIONS” – and they DON’T “die a natural death!”
I'm sorry, but I think you're being naive. Check out my # of posts -- I've been here six years (counting my prior time as "Chocolateeyes") and have studied literally THOUSANDS of affairs. I've simply never seen the "Little Bo-Peep" approach work. You leave them alone, and they WON'T come home, wagging their tails behind them.
Affairs are ADDICTIONS. Google "PEA brain love lust addiction" and do some research on it. And then try to name for me ONE other type of addiction -- gambling, alcohol, drugs, sexual addiction, ANYTHING -- that dies its own natural death if you leave it alone.
You can't.
In fact, nearly all begin to ESCALATE, as the addict needs a stronger and stronger rush to get their "fix."
Let me ask you an important question, Gator:
If the situation were reversed, and say you had a gambling or alcohol addiction. Would you want your wife to fight for you, or just let you go??
