tired of this

[A_goodman]

Well pinhead, I wish I was worthy of the praise. Tonight I had a minor setback. W is out dancing with her girlfriends. She asked me this time; which is a departure or late.

Anyway, when she got home from work (late as usual), I was boiling water to make the kids dinner. They wanted to go out, but I told them to ask mom. We ended up going out for a nice pizza pie. Everything was cool until I remembered my son telling me something weird yesterday. He said that W told him she was getting a new phone in Dec and he could have her old one. Now, we agree that he dosen't need a cel phone. He's 12. I know, were not typical in today's day and age. Anyway, she has an I-phone 2nd generation. I absolutely do not want my son to have the WWW at his fingertips inthe middle of puberty. So I asked her about it. Of course, S was stretching a little. She said if he keeps his grades all above Bs ( I told him straight As originally). It chapped me a bit. Then she said "I'm due for an upgrade in dec anyway". That struck me weird and I said what does that mean? Why are you DUE an upgrade. Truly it was just weird to me, but she took it as giving her crap and got a little hostile.

So instead of playing cool, I of course joined the fray a little. Eventually, she started the interigation thing she does so well and I snapped back into place. I said: "you know, I think I said very clearly what I meant". And stopped playing her game. The point is, as tough as I talk, I still experience the wave of emotions sometimes. And I still get baited, although I'm getting better at realizing it.

We had been on the way to get ice cream for the kids and she said she needed to get money for tonight anyway. So I stopped at 7-11 to hit the ATM. When I asked her how much she wanted, she said no she'd go. I realized she was going to take it out of her acct. That kind of went all over me. I had to fight to keep from showing my anger and hurt. This money thing is pissing me off more and more. I know I told her that I would table some of my boundaries until MC wrapped up and she reached a decision, but it's hard.

So here I sit. Worked out and showered and alone with my thoughts. I'm ashamed that sometimes I still hurt about this. I will not pursue, so in reality, the rope is still dropped, but the emotions sometimes still flare up and I get scared I won't be tough when the end comes.

I gotta pray on this. I will need His strength