Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[ImprovedRomeo]

CG, Blue thanks for your comments. Yes things have been pretty unfair from my point of view but the law thinks differently. The lawyers are fairly useless because they'd rather just go by the book. I guess once the final settlement stuff starts maybe there will be more room for negotiations but so far it's been pretty much by the book. This is not like CSI where they're finding clues and linking people to crimes etc. The reality is pretty anti-climatic. Now the school situation well I just read the OSC document that she filed with the court listing over two pages worth of points basically saying that DD has been going to private school since she was 2 years old. And that prior to the separation we were in agreement that she'll go to the private school due to the public school budget cuts. Then she alleges that she talked to me and that i was mad at her due to the temp support orders...we had no such conversation! she's good at telling white lies! She also said that she's offered to pay a larger portion of the tuition and I need to pay $x amount and if it's simply about the money then her offer should resolve the matter. Interesting how she thinks. If not then she wants the courts to decide what's best for DD.

I could take her to court and get it done, 90% chance that the court will order public school but who loses? not her, DD does. So I'll just have to eat this one too.

CG, what kind of a guy leaves a woman like you? your H is soooo stupid and this is totally his loss that's all I can say.

It seemed (and still does) so unfair my H could spend thousands of dollars each week on his mistress WHILE we were married and I was at my kitchen table counting my pills to decide what was more important.. meds for lupus or eating for three days

I'm so sorry CG, that's horrible. Since we're talking about this stuff maybe I should mention a bit more because there's a lot of history there. Soon after the temp support- which was a major fiasco in itself and I'll get to it in a min, I came home from the court and that's when it hit me when I realized the amount of money I'd have to pay her. I couldn't believe that it actually happened. So I pull out my budget, expenses spreadsheets and I had major negative cashflow. Now mind you I live a pretty modest life, my two biggest 'variable' expenses are gas for the car due to so much commuting and food (because I skipped b.fast and ate lunch at work and we mostly used to eat dinner out too- while she was home all day). Anyway, after cutting out everything I possibly could including maximizing W2, cutting out the 401k etc I still have a negative cashflow. So I'm eating into my own half of the money I'll have. So the first few weeks I ate the cheapest lunch I could find, I even skipped dinners when DD wasn't with me. One night I was staring at the spreadsheet and I almost cried because I kept thinking to myself that for someone who makes a six figure salary shouldn't be skipping meals and not be able to afford a pair of jeans from Macys. Lately, I've started spending a bit more but it's always uncomfortable because I've never been in debt, always paid stuff with cash even when I was making $35k at my first job out of college.

But your situation sounds much worse that you were deciding between the pills and the food- I'm so sorry (((CG)))

Oh and the temp support fiasco....the evening before the trial my attorney and her's had reached an agreement at the 11th hour on the temp support- which I was OK with. My attorney said we just need to go to court to sign the docs and finalize it. So I take the day off, get there and waited. stbxw shows up a little late, comes right over as she didn't know where to go. I gave her a hug and we started talking and I told her it was nice we reached the agreement so we don't have to go through the courts and stuff. She looked at me surprised 'we reached an agreement?' I told her yeah her and my attorney did. She said she had no idea. Her attorney shows up an hour late! and claims there was no agreement and that she wasn't at work the day before and that she was at a spa blah blah so there was some misunderstanding. So then she goes and runs the disso numbers...my attorney gives her all my exact amounts and bam! the numbers are sky high and she wants me to continue paying DD's FULL tuition. So I told her no way and we went to the court room but the judge said she didn't have time until later that afternoon. So her attorney said 'what's the problem? my client's already said she's fine with paying half the tuition so why can't we make a deal?' both my attorney and I looked at eachother thinking is this lady on drugs or what? because she never told us that stbxw was ok with half the tuition that's why I went to court. Later I realized it was just a tactic to keep my mind off the other stuff. My attorney assured me the disso numbers were correct based on the info provided so I figure ok well if the software's taking into account my gross, mortgage etc then it must be right. It wasn't until I got home I realized the software suggested I claim 32 exemptions on my W2 to get to those numbers!! I was like WTF? with 32 exemptions surely my take home pay will be enough to make those numbers but IRS will ream me come tax time. No way no how those are correct. So further research shows that's typical of how people have been robbed in broad day light...it's like how can they get away with this and call this system legal? let alone fair?

Anyway...there's more but what's the point. Just hurts to even recall all this and I just wrote her the checks including the $49 ATT bill she wants me to pay.

Journaling wise...I got DD a 10gallon fish tank for her goldfish. I had second thoughts about spending the $60 on the starter kit but I managed to get everything separately for $43 - and it sucks because in the past I wouldn't have even given it a second thought. I guess it was too sad for me to see the poor fish trapped in a 6x6 inch container. DD and I had blast setting it up and the fish seemed so happy when we dropped it in. The tank has lights, decorations, filter etc we used some rocks and seashells DD had collected at the beach to decorate the tank. The goldfish is one happy camper swimming around all over as opposed to sitting in one spot waiting for its last breath to come.

G4, didn't send me any texts today so that was great. She sent me an email at 7:30pm saying that something she ordered on ebay was a scam so she now has to file a claim to get her money back. She asked me how my day was. I'll respond to her now before going to bed. Only got 4 hrs sleep last night so I'm feeling exhausted tonight.

Thanks guys have a great one.