I need to go waaayyyyy dark. I started thinking, I feel my W used email insterad of text asking about AA, anger classes and all the above to build some kind of legal basis against me for court, I am being played like a fiddle. I am going to go darker than before, lay out the finances and tell her what her part is. I have this funny feeling she might have talked to L who probably told her to document anything I would admit to. Funny thing is S will tell whoever asks him that mommy tells him these things, and not his observations. God I am really worked up right now, I want to blow through a wall.
Text messages are just as valid in court, but it's always good to leave everything verbal. Hang in there, try to focus on your son, your health, yourself.
I got home, W was itching to talk to me. Got the kids in bed, and she started talking about what got me upset earlier. I told her it is disrespectful to discuss what issues I am having with S. I also told her if you want to know about my sessions or Dr. Don't ask me via email or text do it in person. She said its easier for her while at work to do it that way but said she understood.
She also said she feels I am more truthful when I write than when I speak. I am feeling small, her points r valid but I'm going to put my guard up a bit. I mentioned I read that sandra is considering taking jesse james back, u think he db'd? when I said that the W says "you. Make it sound like she shouldn't. I said "huh,what? She said you and I have changed our minds back and forth. I said oh, ya I guess.
So talks were good tonight, I was firm and being a manly man not even close to melty. Set some boundaries and told W I was going to contact S's therapist so I know how its going for him.
So back to work on me. Oh I almost forgot told the W that I'm not an alcoholic and that a lot of my issues are stress based, confirmed by therapist and my Dr who both believe my stress is what is pushing me over the edge. So I feel I took the wind out of that sail for now.
I know that I was emailing stuff to my wife because I was afraid to do it in person. Perhaps your wife is the same? It was a mistake on my part, as it just aggravated her and made her feel that I was trying to provoke her. It didn't help that it was usually after a discussion where she thought I had agreed with her. I need to be more clear about validating, and when I'm not sure about something, tell her that I need some time to think about it.
"Wife, counseling is a very personal thing, I'm dealing with personal issues, faults, weaknesses and questions about my life that I've never dealt with before. This is all very new to me and I prefer to keep the details of my counseling to myself for the time being. I wasn't ignoring your emails, I had a very busy day today and I would prefer that if you have to ask me questions like this, don't do it over email, text, phone or voicemail, do it in person, face to face which is a more personal way of communicating with someone. I appreciate you understanding this."
No details, just gloss over the high points without giving her the high def picture of everything you're discussing in counseling. She is specific with things like AA, anger management, lying, those are all issues she has with you and although they're all important those are things she may need to see a counselor about and learn to let you take care of you.
No more emails concerning your counseling, plans on what you're doing, etc. You can text/email stuff like, "how are the kids?" "picking up the kids after school" "taking the kids out for supper"
Working at the home office, found a journal from the last couple of nights. I snooped.... She writes about teaching the kids about respect, and how things were hard for her when the kids were born and that I didnt help out enough. THe entries are not as hateful and not "i just want out of here" statements. SHe does reference that maybe her next "love" wont have issues like I do. Ha the grass is greener bs again. I guess i snooped because she has gone somewhat dark on me. Nothing in there shows any signs of writing about another guy, just talks about how she is prone to find men who are the same, wake up sister everyone has issues. So then she goes in to how she feels maybe just being alone will be a better place for her.
Robx, let the lashing begin you told me not to snoop, I did, they are her thoughts and I know this, but I was like a kid in a candy store had to taste it a bit.
Well you already know what I told you about that journal snooping business but you are the curious cat aren't you, just remember what curiousity did to the cat ;-)
One thing I might add, she doesn't seem to be hiding that journal very well, you find it, read it, put it back and she doesn't notice that it's been moved, read, disturbed from it's current location? You can't be that lucky with this. I wonder if she puts it there for you to read, I've heard of stranger things, her tagging you along with journal entries that she knows you read.
Now I'm a little pissed. I am waiting for W to get home so I can go to group at church, S asks where I am going, told him daddy has a meeting to to work on feeling better. S says "mommy says you go to meetings because you drink too much beer" I can't ffing believe this. She is planting this seed in my S head. I really went to let her have it, I am pissed beyond belief. I am going to leave as soon as she gets home and try and calm down. But it will be very hard to not say anything about what S has said.
Any suggestions?
Yeah I have a suggestion, tell her plain and simple that she is not to speak to your son about things she doesn't have accurate information on. Would she like it if you started telling your son about the affair she previously had and give him the details of what's involved in that? Obviously not, that's not responsible parenting.
Tell her that a mature attitude during your in-house separation is a requirement on both parts. If she has so much anger and resentment to you concerning your troubled marriage, it's possible she may want to pursue counseling of her own to deal with that anger effectively, discussing mature adult topics with young children is a boundary violation and you will document it if she continues to do it.
You are allowed to stand up to her when the need arises. In fact, I would say it's a requirement.
This isn't an argument where she is giving you trouble over something you've done in the past. She is acting foolishly and involving children in sensitive adult issues and that isn't a mature or responsible thing to do.
so out of no where she sent a text, its a valero!!! are you friggin kidding me, they have been building a new valero around the corner for 3 months. She couldnt think of something better to send me a text about? so I waited 15 mins sent her one that said if you have never seen a valero, you need to get out more with a smiley face and tongue out. SO I do not initiate any contact with her at all, and she sends crap like that.
Ok off to the gym, cardio and abs day.
testing you to see if you respond to just about every text she sends you, even a text concerning a "valero", you are allowed to ignore some texts, don't feel the need to respond to everything, it's not necessary.
I am so irate right now I left the house, too worked up to go to church. I am sitting in my truck settling down.
I don't know if I even want to go there with the W, that is so disrespectful I want to kick her @ss out, and go file myself. I need to also set the finances separate I have always paid for the bulk of things, and she wants to split then we will split everything.
I think I did a backslide big time letting my emotions get to me.
Sounds like you did backslide, and you know why too, you did let your emotions get the best of you, you got angry, she's been looking for the combination of actions that put you over the edge.
I told you she would do this, I told you to expect it, knowing about this before hand is your advantage, it's her game, she can't feel secure with you if you are insecure around her - how would that ever work?
She is testing you, and yes it sounds like she is doing this almost constantly.
Guess what?
You know she's doing this on a conscious and subconscious level, she can't even control it, she is hardwired to test her mate to make sure he is still the right man for the job.
Ignore the emails & texts whenever you can, you're not available to her 24/7 anymore, her request to separate pretty much eliminated that benefit that she once had. Set boundaries when necessary. Stand up to her when it's required. Don't get lured into fights, the fight is just one of many tests.
Pass the tests by smiling at her and knowing in your head that she is very insecure and she is testing you to be sure that you are the man for her.
Continue being happy, awesome and super busy. Make sure you are really GAL'ing.] Be super dad, make sure you're time with them is time well spent.
U took it easy on me. And pin during our first sep. Our drawn out emails were used in court, so now I try and keep em clean and not too much info. NO. MORE SNOOPY for me.
Before I came to bed I was on my crackberry returning emails amd the W was very curious and asked who are you writing so much to, I said just returning emails.
The hopeful side of me feels she is trying to reach out in conversation, not so much R talk but interested in my progress. I basically acknowledge her, agree and tell her I feel good.
I was very much the old me tonight, calm collective and masculine, gooda done an old spice commercial. I did a good job of basically letting her know not to put the kids in the middle of our issues.
She is still up doing her laundry, which I used to do for her, not any more. In a nutshell I slid a bit today, caught myself and turned it to my advantage.
when I said that the W says "you. Make it sound like she shouldn't. I said "huh,what? She said you and I have changed our minds back and forth. I said oh, ya I guess.