Thanks guys. I appreciate the support. I guess it is just so hard to stand by sometimes and watch somebody head down a road that you know will lead to the pain and suffering we have all been through, and not try to stand in the middle of the road and yell "Stop! Turn around! Head back!" But I guess it is really hard to see those things until the bomb is dropped on you. Other people more politic that I am are trying to help LDwife see things from her H's POV, I will leave it to them.
I guess that IS one of the keys to DBing - reaching that point where you can see things from your spouse's point of view. That's so hard to do when the bomb is dropped - didn't we all feel like self-righteous "victims" at the time? Wouldn't it have been SO easy to slip into bitterness, "my spouse cheated on me and I'm a victim" thinking? Don't we all know people who are stuck in that space 10, 20, 30 years after their divorce?
Successful DBers (and by that I don't just mean the ones that save their marriages - Soup's the most successful DBer I know ) seem to reach that point where they can take responsibility for their own role in what happened in their marriages, and where they can feel compassion for their spouses, and start to put themselves in their spouse's shoes. Don't you think so?
) seem to reach that point where they can take responsibility for their own role in what happened in their marriages, and where they can feel compassion for their spouses, and start to put themselves in their spouse's shoes. Don't you think so?
