hmmm .. i sense just a hint of enthusiasm from lauraoh. i think she wants me to go with 2a. but i'm not 100% sure.
Quote:
You must QUICKLY, like Coach says, get into his head and come to this with a lot of compassion for him. You are doing MUCH BETTER than him. He may act like he's doing great--stick to the facts--he is NOT. (notice how he looks, his body language, you KNOW THIS GUY!!)
we need to be careful and not mind read. i don't know that i'm doing much better than he is. i just know from what he has told me that he put on a pile of weight (not muscle). but he hasn't been at the squash club for almost 3 weeks now. he has been home after work every night - i know because i go home after work to change before heading out to squash and his car is there around 7 pm every night. when i come home from squash, he's still home. and the car hasn't moved. i know what you're thinking lauraoh - she's his little stalker. but i haven't put much thought into whether things are better for me. i took forrest's 30-day challenge to turn me into the better (or best) option. so i have been focusing on me. it has helped me detach a little bit.
Quote:
Validate, validate, validate. Any complaints, any negative emotion, any sadness.
i didn't do a very good job at validating. because i would say "i understand that you feel that way .. but .. " and that just killed the validation. or i didn't validate properly. i validated him on his decision to divorce and then i started dividing up the furniture immediately. not the right way to validate either. if anybody can screw up validating, it's me.
Quote:
This is so what your sitch needed. Don't, whatever you do, get angry with him--he is expecting that and you need to blow all his expectations out of the water!!
don't i know it. my sitch wasn't moving at all. since h has stopped going to squash, he isn't watching me anymore. so is he really still watching? does he notice my changes? i dunno.
i'll try not to get angry with him. i worry that he will try to get me fired up to get his way. he did that throughout - i cannot waiver. that's a boundary that i will have to be firm on. if that happens, i will have to walk away.
is it still too soon? are his emotions still very raw? if he has detached by now, does that mean there is no hope?
we've officially been separated for about 7 months and lived apart for 3 months. the first 4 months were in-house separation.
