One thing I've learned the last 40 days is that I love my wife, more than the day I married her. Even knowing all her flaws, weaknesses and downright irritating things.
I've also learned that it probably isn't enough...
Hardest thing ever. My love wasn't enough. Not enough to make her happy. Not enough to make her want to stay. Not enough to heal the hurt she's carried for decades.
Accepting that is so liberating. I still miss her tremendously, and tonight was the first of many really rough nights. And I'm sure that I'll wish that she'd return for years, maybe the rest of my life.
But, I won't stop living my life to wait for that day. If it happens, I'll look up, smile to her, and say "I've been waiting for this for so long." And I'll forget the hurt I've been through.
If it never happens, I'll have my two wonderful daughters to share my life with, my friends and family, my faith, and my hobbies. And perhaps I'll find someone special who'll want to share these treasures with me.
Understand this: you can't change things so he wants to come back. You can only change yourself. He may never notice these changes, or he may see your changes and not be moved. But if he's not free to see the world through his own eyes, to test himself against it, if he's bound to you by your pursuit or guilt or a million other things, he'll never return. Set him free.
