It's hard to imagine our spouses just up and leaving without something better than what they have, but don't underestimate the power of unhappiness. I too think that despite all the intel work I've done, that there HAS to be someone else waiting in the wings. But I'm just worrying about shadows really.
Today I was in a full blown panic over something trivial. My wife had asked for some time off from work so we could meet with our pediatrician. Her work schedule showed her being off an additional 2 hours, so I dreamed up all sorts of scenarios of her meeting with the OM, meeting a lawyer, anything nefarious you could imagine. And in the end, I had just misread her schedule.
In my sitch, I think my wife is just having a combination of MLC with a fantasy EA that's entirely one-way. In fact, EAs with all her male coworkers who are much younger, and not tied down as she thinks she is.
So for me, I still need to DB, and fully let go of the rope. I'm so thankful I have my two daughters to love and cherish. I only got to talk to them on the phone for 5 minutes tonight, but that restored my sanity enough to go get a cold beer out of the fridge, and IM a friend with how I was doing.
It's wonderful that we have this site. And it's really amazing that so few therapists, counselors don't have a clue about what's really happening, or are so worried about being totally blunt and honest. That's the one thing I've treasured since the first reply Coach gave me; no punches are going to be pulled here, yet everyone, everyone is really rooting for the best for each and every one of us.
