Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

Everyone makes very good points. Pain can be addictive, and Lord knows I do have an addictive personality.

Did some more thinking about why I'm having trouble letting go and moving on. I think it's because of what letting go and moving on mean to me. To me, if I let go of H it's like I'm saying I don't love him anymore. Which is so far from being the truth. And to move on means I'm saying that I accept he may never come back. Which I don't, I'm still clinging desperately to the hope that he will come back and pray for it nightly. Logically I know that my interpretations of letting go and moving on aren't true, but I'm having a hard time believing it. And I do realize that I can't keep doing what I've been doing if I am going to win him back, I need to change it. But how do I reconcile my beliefs about letting go and moving on with changing things so he wants to come back to me?