NM that is a GREAT idea but sadly it doesn't always work out that way.
As it stands right now, the legal bills my H and I incurred (he is ordered to pay via the courts) are well over 20K. It doesn't bother me a bit what the cost is since I won't be paying it EVER and he can't use legal bills as financial hardship. Thankfully in NY adultery is a crime so he has very little leverage and I have tons!
I am pretty sure CA is a community property state so Romeo's options are more limited than if he lived in a fault state.
When you DON'T live in a fault state you really have to find a very good attny to go around what is established. My first question would be why can she spend money to go out of town and on social escapades but can't contribute a reasonable amount to school? Push her in a corner and keep her there until she is ready to play your way. It's really pretty simple. The beauty of all of that is you don't have to do any dirty work, let your attny be the a-hole.
It is *very* painful to have to be a hard ass to somebody you once loved (or still love) deeply but when you reach a certain income level you have to when it comes to divorce and the numbers. And numbers are just that. As a random number somebody could make 15K a month after taxes but if there living expenses are 13K then there isn't much money to burn. And really, it's not about punishment it's about the LBS having to endure as little disruption a possible to their financial life and future as they have already endured enough emotionally. And for that sometimes you have to really take stances you don't want to take.
Romeo has the state laws against him, his gender against him and his earning power against him. Gotta find something to combat all that!
It is HORRIBLE and a terrible shame. It should be just like you said, I agree 10,000%.
Once a precedent is set it's hard to change it (as far as money goes) so that is why you have to play this smart now. My settlement period (almost 18 months) was so stressful I honestly thought about killing myself. To this day I still have blocked about huge chunks of those 18 months that are still too painful to even begin to process. I was so broken and battered I passed out in my attnys office during one terrible week of negotiations when the stress simply became unbearable to me. It seemed (and still does) so unfair my H could spend thousands of dollars each week on his mistress WHILE we were married and I was at my kitchen table counting my pills to decide what was more important.. meds for lupus or eating for three days. I would not wish it on my very worst enemy for anything. We are here for your Romeo.
