Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[ImprovedRomeo]

Hey CG, for some reason I thought you'd already filed for D. That really sucks and if OW is pregnant and he's trying to hide now somehow then wow he really screwed up!

As for my expectations, no I don't have any expectations just a 'would've been nice if she did that'. Also your sitch is different than mine because if I was the one leaving my M then of course I wouldn't expect her to say thank you for the payments.

Grrrr...so just recieved a call from my attorney. So after I agreed to her exact demands about DD attending private school and who will pay for what she just filed a motion to show cause claiming I need to chip in more money!! See this is what happens when I simply oblige to her demands, she gets bolder. Now the increase is only $80 more a month that she's asking for. Again petty sh*t but over $80 she's willing to let the courts decide if DD goes to the private school or public so she didn't really care for DD's school as she was claiming before. This is not about the money this more about her asserting her demands. I want to say a huge F U to her. And I'm supposed to just sit back and keep taking it.

DLS, G1-4 are girls 1 through 4 that sort of appeared in my life out of nowhere...

[CityGirl]

We did go through the entire process of divorce and the night before our trial my H asked for a legal separation. The legal separation was finalized on Nov. 19, 2009. He moved out to be with OW in March of 2008. This saga is very ongoing.

I have no proof that OW is pregnant it's just a gut feeling I have. My H knows better than to whine to me about expenses when they include vacations and partying though.

How would YOU feel about your daughter going to public school? If you like the public school then let the courts decide. Your W is not the only one in charge of deciding where your child should be educated.

If you obliging her demands results in more demands then you know what you have to do! Tell your attny NO MORE talking, no more negotiating, you are done being bled dry and to establish a court date for judicial intervention.

[newmama]

Well let me ask you this- has she backed down when you smacked down? (not literally of course! I mean like when you came on strong a couple emails ago about the b-day party). If the answer is no, then, like Citygirl says basically, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't...there isn't anything to change this woman's behavior.

Isn't there anything your L can do to speed this divorce up? I mean I know lawyers want to make money so they don't mind dragging things out...

[CityGirl]

Have you gone through disclosure yet? I thought you had but maybe I am confusing threads.

If so your W should have had to provide a VERY detailed list of her monthly expenditures including entertainment. Your attny should be going over that to the penny and finding 80.00 that she is wasting on non essentials so she can allocate those funds to her child's education.

Baseball games aren't cheap when you factor in the tickets and parking. She did just go on vacation for a week and even if she stayed with family going out of town for non essential reasons is hardly necessary. Bet that cost more than 80.00!

Tell your attny to get his thinking cap on!

[ImprovedRomeo]

I've decided this is the area where I will be calm, cool and collected. $80 more is not that much money so I will allow it so my daughter can go to a better school.

NM, I don't know if she's really backed down on anything major but she definitely lost her boldness. Or maybe so far I've just agreed to any major demand from her.

I really have no hope from the legal system, my previous attorney had already told me that I was screwed from the financial stand point. I fired him and the new law firm hasn't given me a lot of confidence either and they came highly recommended. Funny how our legal system works. At this point I'm hoping for some devine justice but I don't want anything bad to happen to her either so I bite my tongue there too.

[oldtimer]

$720/year is not worth worrying about. Get it done.

[smith18]

Romeo -

What does your L have to recommend? Mine gave me great advice on which battles to engage and possible options. He did the heavy negotiations on my behalf, but only after advising and consulting with me. I found the exchange of communication between the L's to be quite interesting.

Work with your L's paralegal on the detailed expenses as they usually charge much less per hour. Use your L for the knowlege and firepower.

Y'day he sent an e-mail that despite his declaration of not being "nasty" or threatening that basically said if I file for the divorce he will do all he can do to make sure I pay for it. LOL! He also rambled on about all his unexpected expenses (I have a gut feeling they are either "fun" things or OW is pregnant).

You gotta love it when they make idle threats. Mine did the similar threats of seeking out a rich guy so as to afford the best lawyer to file for a divorce. She only did half of her threat (found a rich old man), and partly because of her threat, I hired one of the best lawyers and filed for the D with a protective restraining order to keep the kids status quo of living at my house. The best defense is a good offense.

[CityGirl]

I have to disagree that the money is not worth arguing about. Romeo, at present time, keeps less than 1/3 of his income with 1/3 already going to his spouse.

He is a young man that will eventually have a new life, new wife and family and you can't start all that broke from your ex nickel and diming you to death. That is irrelevant though, only Romeo can stop this nickel and diming.

Romeo, what does your W do? Does she have any secondary education? If so why is she not bringing in a more substantial income? Based on her education do you feel she is maximizing her earning power at present time? If she isn't what does your attny suggest you do to decrease your legal obligation to someone who has chosen not to maximize her earning potential as a single person by choice?

I understand CA law is much different than NY law but there must be something your attny can implement to plug the financial drain.

[newmama]

See here is the thing--if I had a high paying job, I would definitely hire attorneys to help me keep my income.

Because is the money going to your DD? Heck no--it is going to your W who CHOSE to walk away and reduction of income is a consequence!

If I were the wealthier one, as the LBS, I would fight in court to protect my $$ and then I would be the one to agree to purchase camp for S and all the expensive things because the money is for our CHILDREN NOT OUR GREEDY SPOUSE! Grrrr!

[ImprovedRomeo]

That 720/yr is just the cost difference that could go towards my 401k which since the temp support orders I no longer have. I've had 401k since my first job, I was always a saver.

CG, she used to work in IT as a project manager then got laid off. She was unemployed for over a year and then she filed. A couple of months after filing she found a front-desk position somewhere. Can she earn more? yes but remember it's always someone else's fault so her excuse is 'there are no jobs' - yes the economy is tough but not impossible. I drive 120-130 miles to and from work every day which is really screwing up my lower back but you do what you gotta do to support your family and yourself.

Kerry, the L doesn't have much to say. She said we can go to court and they'll favor the public school. stbxw threatened that if I pushed for a public school then she'll push for the one near her which is about 40mins out of the way for me.

NM, spending more money is fruitless because you can't change the laws. More money to the lawyers means less retirement and college funds for me and DD. And this is just the begining there's the division of all the assets in the way too, the house, the cars, accounts, all the big stuff. Overall she'll come out great financially- free money to her. Where as I'll be handing over half of everything I saved. I was really upset about it in the begining because I had big dreams of retiring early, having a few toys and traveling- things that I wanted us to enjoy later in life you know? but these days I just say 'I only need a few bucks to feed myself and a place to sleep to survive if it really came down to it' lol I was always proud of how 'we' start from pretty much nothing to having good comfortable living and could afford just about anything but now things are/will be very different.

Once the dust settles and I know what's left to salvage I do have a lot of pent up strength and dreams to rebuild myself again- bigger, better and stronger. If the luck is with me I know I'll achieve my goals and dreams again.