Training for a Marathon, Hoping for a Sprint

[lookin4support]

Well a lot has happened in the past couple of days. We spent a lot of time on the phone yesterday going over the asset/debt spreadsheet and reaching a consensus on the language we wanted to use concerning cars, personal items, pensions, etc. We haven't seen each other physically in 8 days and won't for another 11, but just talking was difficult emotionally for both of us.

At this point, I have to admit that I have given up hope for any kind of reconciliation. With that in mind, I sent her an email last night that I am sure will get me in trouble with Puppy Dog Tails, Robx and Coach.

Not going to quote it word for word, but basically I told her that in order for me to be willing to enter into another relationship in the future, I needed to know what I could have done to keep this from happening. I will never put myself in the position to go through this hell again, even if that means a lonely, solitary life by myself. I told her I knew she was trying to protect my feelings, but that if she ever wanted me to be happy again, she had to tell me what I should/could fix for the next time.

Her response was no real help. She told me it was all her. She was messed up and I was the victim. She was sorry she "ran away" and that I would be an awesome person to be in a relationship with.

My question to you is WTF? If I am so wonderful, why are we going through this right now? And before you tell me it is pursuing, I asked the questions because I am GAL and I do want to find other relationships, but I am scared. I thought her insight might be able to help me as I move on with my life. I tried to make it clear to her that it wasn't about her, but whoever the next person was that I wanted to have a relationship with.

Today has been a better day. Tomorrow I meet with the attorney and, if all goes well, will be filing. This process has twists and turns than any roller coaster I have ever been on. Just when you think you've got it, you get taken for another loop.