cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

I really lost all hope of us reconciling in March, but I just didn't file because I wanted him to and because I had some advantages to not Ding, which I have stated before. H was paying support, but not wanting to see S except once a month and I was always there. Now H is still paying, but he has started to see S every other weekend (this will be his 2nd weekend if he remembers). I still have to get him up every morning and put him to bed every night so H doesn't really know what it is like to be a father, but now that he is doing the every other weekend...my reasoning for not filing is gone.

2nd reason was I didn't want him to play the victim, which that is gone now too since the postcard came and if anyone says anything to me I will pull it out and tell them that I had every right to file considering he has been having an A for 16 months...plus the years of EAs over the internet.

I am really not sad about this at all. I believe my last major break down crying with hope was in May, but really probably in March when he decided to move into his parents instead of home with S and myself without ever telling me he had already moved. Anyway...I haven't cried about it. I am angry and stressed because I don't know what will happen. Will this be easy because H wants it more than me or will he be a butt? Who knows? so the unknown stresses me, but him...not at all.

I have my life and I love my life. I am finally doing everything I always wanted. I am a chemistry teacher at one of the best schools in this area. I have a wonderful, although going through a rough stage right now, almost 3 year old. I have great family and friend, and tons of them. It was crazy how quickly it got around that I fainted last week and how many people contacted me in some way to make sure I was ok. I am in charge of our Sunday school which I have wanted to do for years. I have a beautiful house. I have money saved. I am very blessed!

So no need to wallow because I am already over it and detached. Now just to finalize it. Maybe I am not really feeling what I should, but it really isn't bothering me.