I agree with TH --- there is nothing more irritating than a man trying to tell a woman how or what to feel. My H is constantly doing that, and I have started telling him that I will feel what I feel, and I don't need him to tell me any differently. It's one of the reasons I have finally decided to end our M of 24.5 years.
How does your H feel about the end?
From my point of view, I'm sure my W thought I was telling her how to feel too, but that wasn't my intention. I was just trying to explain things to her from my perspective and try to make her feel better. I didn't get it that women don't want that. They wand validation and empathy. Does your H understand that?
One night, my W told us that her friend, who has been through countless jobs and has been fired many times, got a new job in W's field. Not the same position, but working for the department of corrections. Well, this friend was slated to make a higher wage than W and she was upset that after working in her job for 20 years, this new person was going to make more.
I asked her what the responsibilities for the jobs were, how they were different, what level of people were hired for these jobs? W's friend has a lot of HR and some managerial experience and was being hired to represent the state in hearings the union filed against the state. This takes someone with experience and a bit of procedural court knowledge.
For W's position, that she had for 20 years, they hire people pretty much right out of school for. Kind of an entry level position. I tried to explain that the requirements for the jobs were different, required different skills and thus demanded different pay rates.
Well, how do you suppose she responded to that? She was VERY upset and told me that I always make her feel bad about herself. That wasn't my intention. I told her that WE decided she could stay in that job and work part time so she could take care of our kids and that that was MORE important than her job. It was a good decision that we made for our family and that it shouldn't matter what her pay rate was. We did what we thought was best.
None of it mattered. She still didn't feel better.
See how I looked at it vs how she looked at it or maybe men vs women look at it. Does your H understand this?
I'd hate to see you throw away 25 years of M over this kind of communication issue.
You can kick me if you want, as this is probably WAY too simplistic.
Sorry for the hijack!
Good luck Future. Press forward with the D. This is no way to live a married life. See azrob's thread for proof!
