Still Moving Forward

[BeingMe]

I've learned something profound these last few years .... the tighter one hangs on to something or someone, you're bound to get to the point of squeezing it/them to death, figuratively and emotionally speaking. The opposite of, "if you love something, set it free ...." This includes adult children, friends, houses, spouses, dreams, and so on.

Obsessing over something is cutting oneself off to other, possibly better, options and opportunities. Just enjoy the moment, the person, the object without any expectations of true ownership. I wrote the above on my FB.

I have grown so much over the last 6 or 7 years, through my H's EA, the advice given here on the board, from my dear friends, putting good 180's into action, and through my illness. I have truly tried all I can to save my M, while still hanging onto some semblance of self worth. Unless he changes in some way that tells me with certainty that he loves me .... no, not even that will do it. It's time to set him and myself free. We have to disconnect financially, as we are disconnected emotionally. There is nothing left on which I can start to build up the R.

I reconnected with an ex boyfriend a couple of weeks ago --- one who I often thought of and wondered "what if". I am happy to report that I felt nothing, just interest in what he's been doing, and nothing else. He is divorced, but I just felt sadness for him to have gone through that, but he does have a gf. So, I am free of past emotions and attachments and present ones. It is a great feeling. I can just be myself and not have to be concerned how what I do will affect anyone else (except my children and grand-children of course, but that's a different attachment altogether; one that brings me extreme pleasure).

There's muh thoughts for the day.