You will be surprised how much confidence and sense of security you will have restored into you when you have a real relationship partner.
What you are going to have to be careful going forward is you cannot project what your wife did to you onto the new lady. Your projection can cause her to lose trust, and then the relationship gets out of wack like it is today.
You don't have trust with her.
Marriage is a partnership.
Marriage is a trust.
Among other things.
As coach says, if she is unworthy of trust today and is comfortable with her actions - why should she change?
I guess. I dont know. I dont expect her to change who she is. But since we really arent animals I do expect her to change her actions. I guess im screwed here. I was really hoping for some advise but Im seeing the trend from everyone here.
Humans, can and DO change. We have to change in many cases or we can end up dead or in jail for example. People can change WHO they are as well ( as in what their priorities are in life )...
IN your case, she HAS to WANT to change. She has to believe that she wants to change.
Looking forward there are a great many people who will take you exactly as you are, and value you.
What your wife is doing to you, what many of OUR spouses are doing to us, devalue us.
Good luck to you.
Yeah, I know, I started standing up and its what led to all this. Im trying to hang in there now, but I need more then what IM getting.
I'm in the same boat sir.
She is playing a game ( both our wifes ).
They know they can fall back on us, and it gives them security to do what they do. There is more passion in it for them as well, because they are getting away with something they aren't supposed to. Then when they know you know and they still do. They feel like "King Ding-a-ling" with the spouse pining for them at home and the guy(s) on the side.
The game she played with you, is alot of the things she used to do for or perform for you or levels of respect and confidentiality, each have been removed or reduced. Kinda like a poker game or a form of bartering.
They figure, well he will TAKE this much and he's still there. Pretty much they remove it down to almost nothing. What do they call them, "crumbs"?
I heard of us being analogous to a dog, in that we will take the food thats given to us, blindly loyal.
Then I heard a new one of a "Turtle". A "Turtle" takes very little foor and lasts for a very long time before he needs to eat again.
"Food" for us is affection, positive conversation, spending time with, physical and verbal affirmations. It takes time.
In the end, we aren't worth their time. In some of them we have lost value by being in their game.
I just want you to understand what it is.
Check out QuickSilver264 posts. I was telling him, hell its pretty much effectively over - he may as well join the party.
Start his own party and end up around her circles after he's built up enough momentum. To show her what she's doing IS NOT SPECIAL.
Theres alot of good people to listen to here, without resources like this I could have literally lost my mind.
Now that my mind is not trying to rationalize lies or make up excuses for her, I just get mad or depressed and many days I'm not caring, because I'm getting past that point.
