OK Dan. I have to plead stupidity here. I came back to where we were last night and failed to notice that there was an additional page. My last post seems strangely out of context.
Dude, you do sound really down right now. But even so, look how strong you are. Even bummed, you are still helping Jstar and others feel good about themselves. I remember reabing your string when I first found this. I was blubbering like a little girl - for both of us. You were in agony and I was right there with you. I'd like to say something encouraging like: "It will all be over soon and you'll be really happy." but hell, I don't know that. I lag you a little in this. However that we will be happy again is what the pros are telling us. so far they haven't steered either of us wrong yet, so there's the encouragement.
Steve made a good point, but you know, there's going to be lots of opportunities to get that right. Your D will grow up and will have a ton of great influence from you about what happened and that you BOTH love her. Don't beat yourself up about that. And if you want to go to the store for those pints of ice cream and a nice talk, you can set that right tonight if you feel bad about it.
Point is: You are miles away from the depths you were in just a couple of months ago. And we got your back. Always.
Oh BTW, Jstar: unbelievably, I have some experience with the breast feeding issue. can you get a breast pump and save the milk for when you aren't around? Both my kids were breast fed and W worked. So she just pumped and stored. When the babies were in daycare, they still had breast milk.
Cheers.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
My attorney just called an rescheduled our meeting for this afternoon until Monday afternoon. I was hoping to have this settled in my mind for the weekend, but I guess that isn't going to happen now!
So, I am going to meet a guy that I work with for a beer tonight and talk to him about his experience with his WAW. I was talking with both of them a bit one night and telling them my story and they said it sounded just like theirs. (They are back together). She told him ILYBNILWY and all the standard lines. He read all the books and pursued her the same way I did with my W. Well, they got divorced anyway and 5 months later, after destroying their finances and him finding a new girlfriend, who moved in with him, his W came back and wanted to get back together.
They now say that their relationship is better than ever.
Just thought I'd ask about the timeline he went through, if he pursued right til the end, if they went to counseling, how the whole reconciliation went. I know I've heard it all from you guys already, but having a conversation over a beer will be good and will solidify my relationship with him also.
OK Dan. I have to plead stupidity here. I came back to where we were last night and failed to notice that there was an additional page. My last post seems strangely out of context.
Dude, you do sound really down right now. But even so, look how strong you are. Even bummed, you are still helping Jstar and others feel good about themselves. I remember reabing your string when I first found this. I was blubbering like a little girl - for both of us. You were in agony and I was right there with you. I'd like to say something encouraging like: "It will all be over soon and you'll be really happy." but hell, I don't know that. I lag you a little in this. However that we will be happy again is what the pros are telling us. so far they haven't steered either of us wrong yet, so there's the encouragement.
Steve made a good point, but you know, there's going to be lots of opportunities to get that right. Your D will grow up and will have a ton of great influence from you about what happened and that you BOTH love her. Don't beat yourself up about that. And if you want to go to the store for those pints of ice cream and a nice talk, you can set that right tonight if you feel bad about it.
Point is: You are miles away from the depths you were in just a couple of months ago. And we got your back. Always.
Oh BTW, Jstar: unbelievably, I have some experience with the breast feeding issue. can you get a breast pump and save the milk for when you aren't around? Both my kids were breast fed and W worked. So she just pumped and stored. When the babies were in daycare, they still had breast milk.
Cheers.
No problem AG, context doesn't stop with pages on this site. I understood where you were coming from and always appreciate the posts. They give me something to look forward to.
Thanks for the pick-me-up. You are right, I am MUCH better now than I was in early June and I do believe that things will be ok, but it is just sometimes hard to see from here. Sometimes I still feel like I want to blubber a bit myself. Getting over that slowly but surely though.
I think I will revisit the issue with my D as you and Steve suggested. I have to do better and be more positive with the kids. They don't deserve this either. They are both very smart and seem older than they really are. This will make them grow-up even faster and it makes me very sad that they even have to deal with this. Things haven't really changed for them too much yet since we are all still living together. The hard part will come when we actually separate and they start to get shuffled around a lot. I suppose they will get used to it in time.
I think Jstar's baby has an issue with not feeding out of a bottle or something. It does help me to try to help others, even if I don't always know what I am talking about. Many of the people on here seem so much more insightful than I do.
he's my third kido, 2nd one to completely reject the bottle. I pump and pump, try and try to get him to take the bottle but no deal. even if he's hungry he won't do it.
my 2nd daughter 3 now, cried for horu and hours (this is with trying a syringe, spoon and sippee cup, all which she rejected)while i was at work, so bad my niece had the principal pull me out of teaching class to feed her.
i know he needs more time but he's got to thursday when ireturn full time.
i'm kind of feeling today that after i read some posts that it's time to just file. maybe it will be easier then what i'm making it to be.
having been married 2 x's before, thisis the one that is worse.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
What helped me change the most was supporting others. My beliefs and thoughts became clear as I offered others advise...Then when I needed advise for my sitch I had everything I needed... You reap what you sow....Pass out what you want to receive...
As far as the kids are concerned, as long as you and MsDanF are frequently and equally involved in their lives, they will be fine. You are their role model and they are watching how you deal with this....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Sorry for your sitch Jstar. I'm not sure what else to say.
Feeding like that has to be rough. We had to go to formula due to gas/stomach issues, but how long do you think you are going to have to do this? Will they never take a bottle?
You may just want to file and see if that makes any difference. A lot of times it is the fear of the loss that really motivates them, but given your H's behavior, I'm not sure that will be the case.
Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be...
...Well, they got divorced anyway and 5 months later, after destroying their finances and him finding a new girlfriend, who moved in with him, his W came back and wanted to get back together....
Do you see how "Set them Free" worked for him......All of the sudden, he became attractive because she couldn't have him anymore......
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
As far as the kids are concerned, as long as you and MsDanF are frequently and equally involved in their lives, they will be fine. You are their role model and they are watching how you deal with this....
Thanks Ready. My friends think that I am nuts and that the situation I am in with W is really weird. They can't believe how well I am handling this (with your guys help!) or how nice I am to W and she to me. They just think it is strange that we are not fighting and belligerent with each other. Sometimes I think that would make things easier.
We will both definitely be involved in the kids lives. Neither of us would give that up. My W is really a GREAT mother, but does too much for the kids a lot of times. She isn't teaching them any independence. I have taken a much more active role in that and in their lives in general since January and I feel much better about myself because of it. W was right that I wasn't involved enough.
Gonna stop in and see blondie for a little bit tonight.
...Well, they got divorced anyway and 5 months later, after destroying their finances and him finding a new girlfriend, who moved in with him, his W came back and wanted to get back together....
Do you see how "Set them Free" worked for him......All of the sudden, he became attractive because she couldn't have him anymore......
ding-ding-ding - - - WINNER!
Doesn't sound like a familiar scinerio on how things play out at all to me. [sacrasm alert]
Anytime you wanna talk over a beer and your buying, I have great ears and a little experience with all this.
EDIT- I meant beer(s)
Last edited by dday101798; 07/29/1008:33 PM.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Things haven't really changed for them too much yet since we are all still living together. The hard part will come when we actually separate and they start to get shuffled around a lot. I suppose they will get used to it in time. 
