OK, how about you sit her down, and say "I know I told you I was okay with this lifestyle, butI have changed my mind. I want to be married to you, in every full sense of the word, including being monogamous with each other. This was a horrible, horrible mistake, and now our kids, unfortunately, are going to pay the price if we can't work this out in a way that works for both of us.
Okay. I have done just this. I have taken my responsiblity for agreeing to this. I did consent to trying this and when I realized I couldnt move forward with things pushed her and it to make changes. She sys she wants to be married to me and losing me would be just as horrible to her as losing him has been. She is willing to try monogamy again fully and she wants to keep things together for the family. But she also says she loves me. (You know that song, I love you iM not in love withyou).
I have decided that, moving forward, monogamy is, for me, a dealbreaker. Will you join me, end the swinging, and go to marriage counseling with me maybe with someone who specializes in this area, and give it some length of time -- maybe six months, or a year -- and see if we can work this out? For the sake of our shared history together, and for the kids?"
It is a dealbreaker. And I have let her know that in no uncertain terms now. When she first ended things with him I told her that I thought that wasnt the way to go and we could compromise. But between her actions since the break up and his (he told me all along he would back off if they broke up but didnt for almost 3 weeks) I know now that there is no compromise its me or him. ANd she is pissed that I made her choose.
Then I guess you'll at least have your answer.
She is trying to do this. But she is also hurting from the loss of her "six year relationship". So Im really unsure how to go about this.
I do see the challenge here, and that is -- as Serenity correctly pointed out above -- you DID mostly sign on for this lifestyle. And now you're changing your mind. It seems to me that you need to ACKNOWLEDGE that, the curveball you've thrown her, and at least SEE if she'll work at a monogamous marriage together with you.
Very very guilty of throwing the curveball because I told her we could try this. ANd it was my inabilty to handle her falling so hard for this other guy that has caused all the rancor. I get that.
But she says she ended it for me. But has put me in the penalty box, and IM not handling that well at all.
