Didn't mean to bring you down - I can hear your frustration. Might it help to look at it this way? You aren't so much supporting her, as the lifestyle and well-being of your daughter. The insurance might have been a moot point - here in CT, it is illegal to remove a spouse from insurance until the D is final. It sounds like it might be a good idea to let the Ls take care of the business as much as possible.
And you might not be looking at it as a date, but betcha G4 is....she's just a tad too eager. There are two people in the equation.
And you might not be looking at it as a date, but betcha G4 is....she's just a tad too eager. There are two people in the equation.
Then you make sure you're clear with her about your intentions e.g. "I'm not looking to date right now but I'd be open doing a few things together that we both might enjoy...oh yeah, and did I mention I'm gay?"
THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!! Your stbxw LEFT YOU and is being VERY GREEDY! It sucks, Romeo. I hate seeing this. I really hope the judge recognizes that your stbxw is asking for more than she is entitled to!
HOWEVER- please listen to me on this- the more you get angry and reactive with her, the more she will demand financially. You want to look like the saint that you are and be a grown up. Not responding to her snide remarks. It can burn you more in the end. What is happening to you is what happened to zoobrew and he told me that fighting made his exW fight nastier.
G4 likes you. I am 10000% right about this. but good job being friendly and to the point! Have fun!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
See, the thing is with certain kind of people (and your W is certainly one of "those kinds") no amount of doing the right thing will matter. Entitled and self indulgent people who operate from a very different standard of morals will not change without a desire to change.
Unless it is 110% necessary to communicate about your child your W should be firmly planted outside the loop of your life. In the future any information regarding business will be presented to her via your legal counsel and if your legal counsel is not hardcore then get a new attny. Waiting more than 12-24 hours for a response from your attny about insurance is unacceptable on EVERY level and simply gives her more time to remain the same. It is time to hand this matter over to an expert that will make your case a priority under any circumstance. Time is money and you have shelled out plenty.
To be honest, the probability of her being shaken into "decent" by a hardcore attny is very low. My H is and was the same way but at least she will be out of your hair for good aside from co-parenting.
As my counselor said these types of people are terribly boring as they are so predictable. There is not good reason a man who is in his early 30's should be forking over such a large amount of money to a woman also in her 30's simply because she decided she was no longer in love and able to honor the commitment she made. Temporary orders are just that and while it is her choice to not use temporary support as a means to be able to stand on her own two feet it's not your problem. If you are paying for the bulk of your child's needs then full custody (or a petition for such) is in order. Orange County is not an area of the country where you can be single, raise a child and earn minimum wage. Her days of enjoying you as a "high earner" should be very numbered.
And when it comes down to it that is all a divorce is... numbers.
As far as dating goes it's a fine line, no? It's hard to see when you are "in it" but IMO you offered WAY too much of an explanation via text to the dinner/movie girl. Saying you are "uncomfortable" is strange when trying to arrange for a night out (or in). Less talking when it comes to dating when you are ready. If it's not happening in an organic fashion then it's not right IMO.
My husband is also a high earner. Don't think for a minute his mistress wasn't well aware of his current income and future earning potential. Throw a divorce in there and people tend to go from wanting to "blow of steam" to wanting something more. Dating should be sexy and mysterious and have NOTHING to do with blowing off steam! That comment should be a HUGE red flag!
Don't feel deflated. This is why you have a L...to speak on your behalf. Tell your L everything that's happening and hwo you feel she's trying to take advantage of you. It's difficult to remain calm and non-reactive and UNemotional when you are in these sitches, especially when it involves someone you shared your life with, but the sooner you can do this, the better. Try as best you can to let this roll off your back. *as best as you can*!
Originally Posted By: ImprovedRomeo
I'm not even attracted to any of these G1-4 girls.
LOL. That's a lot of girls! And there is nothing wrong with that... if you wanna hang with any of them just tell them from the beginning you are NOT into dating or anything, just hanging out/friendship. Being honest = gold. That's a lot of girls, haha!
Thanks guys. Hugs to each and everyone of you (NB,OT,Wii,Donna,Gardener,kat,CG,NM,Sol) for your thoughtful comments, advice and understanding. You have no idea how good it feels to read and go 'you know you're so right and thank you for writing that!!' - don't worry wii you can hug too I'm really not gay despite the vibes I may give off I do like your idea because if G4 stays pushy I can just say 'well G4 the thing is stbxw left me because I'm gay...' lol
I still have to come up with a one liner to say to people so far I've been saying 'yeah w and i are not longer together, she decided to call it quits'
I haven't decided on the packing/moving dates but that's all I'm going to respond to her about. That's it. Just just a fleck of dust on my shoe- not worth my time right now (and I feel sad/guilty to even say this type of stuff because I loved her with all my heart).
Sol, NM, to answer your question about entitlement/Ls- legally she IS entitled to all this but if it were me I'd taken a different route saying 'I'm sorry I know you loved me and I loved you too but now things are different and I hope you can forgive me and move on in rebuilding your life. I wish you all the best for the old times sakes. And thank you for the alimony and child support checks because as much as I'd like to not have to need them but I do and I'm appreciative of your generosity.' I don't know something like that.
CG, thank you! do you have a thread of your own these days? I couldn't find one. Wanted to catch up on your H's contact yesterday.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I still have to come up with a one liner to say to people so far I've been saying 'yeah w and i are not longer together, she decided to call it quits'
My favorite one liner to say to people is still...
"She got rabies and I had to put her down".
As for the GGGG's... I agree with the others that it is not fair to date them if they are looking for a relationship and you are still healing. However, if they and you are ok with "no strings attached friends with benefits", then what is good for the goose is good for the gander.
I still have to come up with a one liner to say to people so far I've been saying 'yeah w and i are not longer together, she decided to call it quits'
Eh. I am still working on that one myself. When people ask how H is, I say, "He's good/great/etc." I do not elaborate. I haven't told a soul at work since It went down but I'm sure most folks notice my ringless finger.
For the vets, how did you handle this when you split with your spouse?
H chose to leave the marriage to pursue a relationship with a co-worker.
The day after my H dropped the bomb he told anybody and everybody that would listen that he and I had split up as a joint and amicable decision. This was all done before I even knew what was happening. But when people did start to come to me and ask I said exactly what I stated above and nothing more.
Romeo, it seems you still have expectations that your W will start to be a new and better person. If she feels entitled to the support she won't be thanking you. I have never and will never thank my H for his spousal support. The first check he gave me one week after our legal separation was finalized he came over to hand it to me. He stood there waiting for a thank you and he never got one. His spousal support, in my eyes, is simply a repayment for the 13 year investment of my valuable time I made in him, our marriage and the multiple career opportunities I turned down at his request. It is also repayment for the joint funds he spent on OW during our marriage.
The judge said something so poignant when our case was active. She said when one chooses to make very adult decisions they always come with either very adult responsibilities or very adult consequences. Eventually you will have to let your W either feel the consequences or the responsibility. Right now she has the luxury of neither.
My thread is buried somewhere but a quick recap of this week:
Have not talked to H since he texted me on what should have been our 11 year wedding anniversary (06/26). He started texting me on Monday very angry that I am ignoring him, not communicating with him, shutting him out or providing him with security.
Y'day he sent an e-mail that despite his declaration of not being "nasty" or threatening that basically said if I file for the divorce he will do all he can do to make sure I pay for it. LOL! He also rambled on about all his unexpected expenses (I have a gut feeling they are either "fun" things or OW is pregnant).
He has been living with OW since April and in a very vested R with her for almost three years. He petitioned the court to force me to stay separated from him until 2012 and the verdict was no, 2010 is all I am legally obligated to do.
Nov. 19th is the earliest I can file which I plan to do along with asking for a substantial increase in support. He wanted to ensure no commitment to OW due to his legal marriage for a few more years. Can't grant him that wish!
