So deciding on a option helps you achieve .......... what?
a quick resolution to our separation agreement. to have it dragged out like that only creates a thicker wall between the two of us. and dare i say .. one of the options will possibly lead to reconciliation or h and i being on friendlier terms.
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Why do you like option 2A? (makes you feel better - less confrontational and might save money. I know mind-reading but I saw the shot and took it. )
haha. you broke your own rule. i don't know if 2a makes me feel better. the thought of actually contacting him is scary. almost feels the same way as when i first met him. i was too shy to talk to him. later on, i found out that he was also too shy to talk to me.
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If you want this over then it's easy but if you want to try to reconcile you need to be aware of feelings.
i need to be aware of HIS feelings? i need help in this area because when does "being aware of his feelings" become "mind reading"? for example, i say stuff like "for some reason, he just hates me. like i did something so hurtful to him. more hurtful than cheating." that's like me predicting his feelings of hate towards me.
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until you validate and understand his POV you will just keep the same old arguments looping. "seek first to understand then be understood."
which part of my speech was caught in the endless loop? i didn't want to validate because i didn't want to make the speech about him. i wanted it to be about me. no accusations towards him. i tried to be careful not to say things like "since you don't care about people .. " or "you obviously value material things over human beings."
how do i seek to understand from their POV without mind-reading? i can look at the sitch from a fish bowl and it will still be me interpreting it the way that i see it. it is still my pov. no? don't i need to hear it from the horse's mouth in order to get a true understanding from his POV?
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So I'll ask again. What's your goal?
my first goal is to open the lines of communication again. he has shut down over the years and confided in his mother instead of his wife when there were issues. this is my biggest challenge. my second goal is simply to re-establish that friendship we used to have. it's okay that the marriage is over. i didn't want that back anyway. i want to start from ground zero again and rebuild. learn from our mistakes. our friendship may provide a solid foundation leading to reconciliation. my third goal is to figure out whether i need to go defcon 5. is the anger still raw? can i figure out why this happened from him and his words? i may not get this. but i can list it as a goal.
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