What is brutally and shockingly apparent to me now is how my W responds to treatment. Something I never realized during my M, and is the root of so much of our difficulties. No matter what she SAYS, I know deep down she is terribly guilty over what she did. From December of last year to April of this year I finally said ENOUGH, and pushed her out of my life. I refused to offer her anything of myself. Minimal contact to handle the kids, that's it. I almost completely ignored her at all times. Quite rude in some cases.
And yet, how did she react? She came running back to me, and kissed me passionately when she saw the chance. She never mentions how I treated her, never uses it as fodder for resentment. Deep down I think she respected me for standing up for myself. Oh, she was p*ssed at first, and oscillated between attacking me (lawsuit), and tempting me, but when none of it worked, she respected me, and her attraction went up.
After I let her back in, I've been warm, charming, flirty, sexual, and even tried to find middle ground regarding the circumstances in our M that preceded her A. And what is result of that? She's distant, picking at the smallest little offenses, feels trapped, is trying to wiggle out of any obligation to me.
I spoke with her mother last night about this, and her mother believes W has such deep seated guilt inside her that she feels attraction to someone who makes her work for love and affection, and feels uncomfortable (unworthy?) when receiving seemingly unconditional love.
Is this someone I could ever have a truly fulfilling R with?
