Thanks everyone. I totally agree. Her real motivations are clear now. She was sad and lonely after the breakup with OM, and when she lost me too, she put on the charm to get me back. Because of how I feel about our M, our kids, and her, I made it too easy for her. She didn't have to do any work, and as soon as I showed I expected something from her, she started backing away, slowly of course, so as to not provoke a negative reaction from me. Amazing as I read my posts over the last couple months. She is nowhere near ready or willing to truly reconcile.
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That deal works for you but not for me unfortunately, that's what I would have told her.
As might be painfully apparent in my postings, I am HORRIBLE at thinking on my feet, and she is a MASTER at manipulating conversations.
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Without being too dramatic, I would contend to you that this is one of those handful of DEFINING MOMENTS in your life. How you respond to this will say everything about your character, your morals, and how high of an integrity bar that you set for yourself.
Think this one over carefully, and then respond with absolute CLARITY to your wife. Every hour that goes by since she lobbed this amoral grenade into your lap, starts to define YOU and what you stand for.
Yes Puppy, I feel that way too. Unfortunately, she dropped that bomb just before she left with the kids for a week. I don't want to respond over the phone. When she returns, I leave with the kids for a week of my own, unfortunately to go back home for my Grandmother's funeral. She was a great woman, and I should remember her when I respond to my W. I am planning on having essentially no contact with her while she's gone, then responding next week when she returns, just before I leave on my trip with the kids. Then she can stew on it, without even having the kids to lean on as an emotional crutch.
Here are ideas I've played with on how to respond:
"I've thought about what you said before you left. I've decided it won't work for me. I'm not willing to live in an open marriage while you date other men. From my point of view our reconciliation has failed, and I need to end this marriage. Will you join me at <mediator's> office to get our legal agreement wrapped up? No more anger or resentment, let's just see if we can work out the final details. We were almost there last year. I won't agree to anything less than 50/50 custody though, so if that's going to be an issue, we might as well not waste our time. The court will have to decide that one."
If she backpedals, and indicates that's not what she wants, I know myself, and I will feel compelled to offer her something. How should I handle this? I could just buy a little time and say "I'm leaving for a week, so obviously nothing is going to happen right now. We'll talk when I get back." Or should I just put up a wall and say "You've been right all along W, it just won't work between us. It's time to finally end this."
