Eric, I understand what you are saying. But Puppy is right..there was no control. I didn't ask him to make some sort of decision to control the sitch. I was just tired of living like this. I have changed so much and it hasn't been just since i joined this board. He told me about his A the beginning of Nov. '09. So we have been dealing with this for almost 9 months. The OP has moved out of state, they have not seen each other for 4 months, but still text and talk on the phone. Because of that, he can't emotionally re-attach to me. I haven't been intimate with anyone for 18 months. I just got tired of it and when I read about all the stories here I realized that I could wait for years til he comes out of this and we still may not even make it. So, I made the decision to accept whatever decision he made. I have done work on myself... and so has he..we have learned more about each other in the past 9 months than we have in the 20 years we've been together, I have been giving it my all. But he was just hanging around, doing nothing and I didn't want that life anymore.
I still love him, want to be married to him and all that..but decided that if he wasn't going to even try some of the things I had previously asked for or suggested, then I needed to move on...for me. I have mentioned the horrible winters here..it's the end of July, and I still have a chance to get out of here before the snow flys. I know you guys think us LBSers should hang in there and be patient and take all the BS, but I had had enough. If I had seen some hope, I might have stuck it out longer before asking him about it, but I didn't see any hope. It had gotten really icky here..I felt like he was sneaking around, hiding things and every time I looked at his face it reminded me of what we used to have and it just made me incredibly sad, wanting that. I'm probably just weak..but I couldn't do it anymore. If he wanted out, then i was going to accept his decision. But he said he'd try a little harder and he has..and that is all I was asking for. Control? no. doing this together? yes. And we are now, so I can stay for a little longer. Patient? yes, in my opinion. As patient as I can be.
We seem to have the friendship part pretty much locked up..it's the intimacy part that needs some help. That it why I suggested counseling. To see if we can get that back. I think what has happened to us is that we are best friends and somehow the bounderies between being husband and wife and best friends got blurred or overstepped each other. i don't know how to change that.
Any ideas you guys might have in regards to finding the right kind of counselor for what we need, would be appreciated. I don't relish the idea of going from marriage counselor to MC just trying to find the one we will click with..even tho I guess that is the way it works. Hopefully we'll find one that applies the principles as MWD. Ideas? Suggestions? Is there a place on this forum or the DB webiste that would list counselors in my area or how do I find out what the philosophy of a counselor is before investing alot of time and money into one I just pick out of the phone book?
