New Game- Exposed

[MHL]

CD,

Let me give you a good example of the kinda of work I am talking about and really just how hard it is.

I used to have an anger management problem as people like to call it. W told me this after I kicked her out of the house about a year ago. I totally lost it, grabbed the suitcases threw her clothes in the bags and literally threw them out the front door, after that I went to garbage bags and really was throwing her stuff out the front door into our yard for everyone to see. Cops came, the whole nine yards right, big ugly mess.

So that lead to me going to Anger Management Therapy and start the digging and peeling the onion down, analyzing each layer and the why, and what and that lead to the next layer and so on. What I discovered in the end was that I did not really have an Anger Management Problem, that was just the symptom of the real problem. (This is somewhat explained in No More Mr. Nice Guy)

I had resentment for my Wife in some of the areas in our shared life together that I did not feel she was rising to the occasion for which made me form a judgement about her which lead to an emotion which lead to a feeling and wham before you know it I am having outbursts of Anger. I had to dig down to the "why did I have those expectations of my W", and can I rewire my brain to eliminate those expectations and appreciate what she did bring to the M.

The answer here is that I did and now it has changed how I interact with my W, my kids, my family, friends, co-workers, strangers basically everyone I come in contact with. I did the hard work and I changed. This did not happen over night, in fact I can honestly say it took probably 6 months for it really to soak in, and maybe another couple of months for it to become the “part of the fabric of who I am”.

Not saying that you can’t do things simultaneously and not saying that changes that you identify will take as long as mine did but this is a process. If the changes are superficial then you will fall right back into old habits as you said.

The only other things I could think of was "standing up for myself (at work and with her). 'No More Mr Nice Guy' is helping me understand that one. Plain as the nose on my face- THAT was a problem. Fear of conflict; not asking for what I wanted in the R; no boundaries; doormat; passive/aggressive 'contracts'; sexual repression. All of it. Frikkin textbook.

The books are great, take just one of those things and start to dig on it, and do it for you.

Now that I have more time I can spend more on getting my job back under control (and look at options) as well as setting the house up the way I like it.

This is great right here as it does two things, gets you focused on you and not your sitch, your W or your M and also when you achieve these things you will get a great deal of satisfaction which will give you that ego boost we all desparately need.

Your taking steps, that is the important thing, and make sure to allow your self time, I can not stress that enough……TIME…..hang in there and enjoy the rest of your vacation.

Cheers