Ok, it has been officially one week since our dreaded "I'm done" converstation. I have talked to her on the phone a couple of times and have exchanged a few emails. Our R has not come up once. This has been the longest week in my entire life. (to include my first week of bootcamp!)
I having a really hard time, and do not know how much longer I can take this. Should I just continue on the course, GAL (what little I can do out here), no R talk, ect? A large part of me wants to go home and address this issues in person. I thought about it and told myself that I would wait until we had a legitimate conversation about R before I made any rash decisions. I just had no idea how hard this would be and how slow time would crawl.
I'm sorry, I just need to know if what I am doing is truely the right thing. I feel like I am trying to avoid my problems and the longer I do this, the farther away she is going to drift...
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
She's probably pressing you about your schedule, because she's scared to DEATH that you're going to come home, and she's trying to keep tabs on you. You may want to, at a minimum, send her a reply something like:
"Not sure yet what my plans are. I'm thinking about coming back much sooner, but nothing's been confirmed yet." And then go dark.
Let her squirm a bit. In that, that would make her squirm a LOT. Knots in her stomach!!!
She just texted me: "So r u not responding to my emails now? I sent one yesterday and got no response."
I want to stop all of these expectations, wants, and desires, but its hard. I am obviously still hanging on her everyword. I feel ashamed, and I now I know how unattactive it is.
But it is like throwing a piece of crack down in front of a crack addict. Am I really this codependant?
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
But it is like throwing a piece of crack down in front of a crack addict. Am I really this codependant?
Possibly, and you need to work on that. You already are, but it's going to take time. I am STILL working on my co-dependency issues, more than 3 years after confronting (and busting) my wife's affair.
Since she has now pestered you with this latest text message, I wouldn't recommend sending my suggested response, above, until maybe tonite or tomorrow. Then you preface it with a "Sorry, just saw this -- been a crazy day. Not sure what my plans ...." etc.
I really do appreciate your insight, and I am sorry for all of the questions. I feel like a 15yr old asking my Dad all of the do's and don'ts before my first date.
Update....
After seeing the text, I realized that she sent it @ 7:20am, so that meant that she was probably working. So I took the opportunity to call the house and talk to my son. It was great conversation and it is amazing how a 6yr old can save a Dad's day. He was so excited about his first loose tooth!
But back to my real issues. I think that this "release them/let them go" think might be working. She just emailed me what she texted me. It at first was thinking it was only because she was asking for money, but she can log into our band and see the status, she already started spending it, so she has to know it was there. Again, I am trying to control my expectations....
Any thoughts/inputs, change of courses, ect...????
And again, I really do appreciate the help and support here. I have been reading through the Setting them Free and Should I tell Her to Move On posts....it all helps!
Last edited by GoG8trz; 07/29/1002:24 PM. Reason: can't type!
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Man, I cannot keep my eyes off of that email and text. I want to yell back and tell her that I have emailed you lots of questions regarding our relationship and you haven't answered one of them!
I'm not going to bring it up. I am going to stay the course and wait. Tomorrow is a new day..... //exhale slowly
And yes Chuck, kids are a lifesaver sometimes. Which is why this is so important to me...
Last edited by GoG8trz; 07/29/1004:06 PM.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Ok...another email. I really starting to feel bad right now....
Well I guess we r back to no communication. That's great! Atleast you called and spoke to your son.
This is my proposed response...
You told me that we are done. That there was nothing that I could say or do to change your mind. I am sorry. I am having trouble digesting and making any sense about what is going on between us right now. I am trying to stay positive for myself and my kids right now. I have sent you emails begging for you to explain things to me. I have a lot of decisions to make in the near future that will affect me for the rest of my life. Not sure yet what my plans are. I'm thinking about coming back much sooner, but nothing's been confirmed yet.
What do you think?
Last edited by GoG8trz; 07/29/1005:12 PM.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Not sure yet what my plans are. I'm thinking about coming back sooner, but nothing's been confirmed yet. I'll let you know what I decide.
That's all you say right now.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Dont go into the well you havent answered any or my questions, or anything to do with the M. plain and simple that has been pounded in to my head for weeks by these guys.
