An interesting thing happened the other day. My W went to work and I got home expecting to see my MIL watching my son. Her two sisters were there instead. They were very nice and asked how I was doing with all of this. We talked for a bit and I mentioned that I just want to physically separate from W because she was dating and it’s hard living in the same home. Her older sister looked at me in disbelief and said “I thought you were dating”. I told her that I’m in no position to start dating and I would never do that while living together. She had no idea that my W was actually dating. She was very angry and couldn’t believe that W was doing what she was doing.
I apologized to sisters because I thought they knew. They said they didn’t agree with what she was doing and she is making a huge mistake. That was nice to hear but I didn’t want to bring them in the middle of things. It was interesting to hear though how W has spun things to make her look like the victim. Her family has been very supportive of me through all of this and they made it crystal clear that they don’t want to lose me in the D.
I thought you had already exposed to them. Good for you on how you handled it, FFH. No matter how one feels about the whole "Expose, or NOT Expose?" debate, you should certainly never LIE to cover up a cheating spouse's affair, and it's certainly OK to "play defense" if the accusation gets turned on YOU, that YOU are the one cheating.
Get ready for blowback today from your wife. Remember your response:
"I decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair. I respect your sisters, and felt they had a right to know the truth. And HOW DARE YOU tell them that I was the one cheating!!!" Shake your head, add in a disgusted "Unbelievable," and then either walk out or end the phone conversation.
Sounds like things are turning more positive for you and it is about time. You have worked so hard to get here and I am impressed with all you have achieved FFH.
It was good to hear about the sisters reactions. I am struggling with whether or not I should date myself. I have an extra ticket for a concert coming up and was thinking about putting it to good use, but your sitch is causing me to have doubts. It's been so long, I just feel like I need some companionship.
Anyway, I am very happy that your financing went through. That can be a very difficult thing these days and I know that you struggled with it too for a while.
All the best to you and PLEASE stay in touch and let us know how things go from here.
W just told me she is purchasing a home and she can go to settlement in 10 days. My closing should happen next week and then the countdown begins. Her buying a house makes things seem more final. I'm not sure why that bothered me but it stung a little bit. She immediately started with what she wants to take from the home so we have some talking to do.
A good female friend of mine from many years back contacted me on facebook. She is going through the final stages of a D currently too. We are going to have lunch tomorrow, I'm excited to her. My W was very jealous of our friendship and I pretty much had to cut her out of my life. I'm going to try to re-connect with all my long lost friends that my W didn't approve of. How did I let her persuade me to give up so many friends????
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Did she really persuade you or did you do it willingly to spend more time with her and the family? That is what I did. You just get so busy with family life and you really enjoy your W, so you let other friends slide. Happens all the time FFH.
I'm guessing that the positive things that happen to our W's will feel like kicks in the stomach for a while, but that will also pass. I'm glad you will find time to reconnect with old friends and you are excited about the lunch, but just be careful. Don't jump into anything too quickly. Rebound relationships are tough.
FFH, be prepared for more stings. They'll come when you least expect them, so just be prepared. Feelings are fine, embrace them. Actions are what you can control.
That's the first thing I thought of Dan when she contacted me. I certainly won't be getting involved with anyone right now. I know I would be cheating myself and whoever I got involved with.
It's amazing how clear my head is right now. I feel like I've been given a 2nd chance to make things right for me. My marriage was always rocky and my therapist asked me a question the last time that really made me think. She asked me "FFH did you settle for your W, were you really in love when you got married" Long story short my W and I moved very quickly and early in the R she had given me an ultimatum and I got engaged.
I know that sounds silly but I thought I was in love, maybe I was at the time. It's hard now to look back after all that's happened to really define our R. Anyway, we have a wonderful child together and that's what I need to focus on.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
You probably said this somewhere before, but how long were you married? I think that will tell you a lot about whether or not you loved each other. That's just my opinion.
I had some friends over last night to have dinner and swim with the kids. We had a nice time and my son had a blast. It was nice to have a distraction for the night.
I'm looking forward to catching up with old female friend today. We have a lot to talk about.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Easy to say, VERY HARD to do, but you have to stop worrying about what W is doing. You had a great night. Your S had a great night. You have a great day to look forward to. Life is good or at least ok, right?
I'm having the same issues as you trying to completely drop the rope. I just can't seem to completely let go yet. Went and saw my friend's band last night and it was fun. By the end of the night I was blubbering like a baby. Had been feeling bad for a while, maybe I just needed the release.
Have a great time with your friend today and try to focus on the positive things in your life.
