The "I Still Want to be Friends" Issue

[AntoniaB]

Cuccoon, my H is doing the same, moved out to have an affair because he didn't want to do it while living with me and took off his ring and said over and over he'd file and such but hasn't done anything of the sort yet. I tried the friendly route in the first few weeks but felt it was crushing to my soul, because any time I saw him I'd just have such hope that if I said or did the right thing he'd just say "what, am I crazy? I'm coming back!" and of course I'd just end up hearing him say yet again how he was so sorry but he felt he made the right decision by leaving.

I know the breaking contact with H is counterintuitive and frankly you don't know if it will work to help the marriage although in many cases it seems to have for others, but if the contact is hurting you continuously you have to weigh that against the friend route and take yourself into account first. I am not going into nearly as many sad or depressive episodes now that my H isn't around, that's for sure. Every day I struggle and want to call or email him but I don't. I just keep saying to myself "it won't bring him back. It just won't." So for now I'm following Allen's advice and others and just trying to get my own life on track. Oh and above, I have told my H I cannot be friends now due to his infidelity and that only if he stops his infidelity would I consider a relationship with him. Look at the protection letter by Penny Tupy--I think Allen should have a link somewhere for you.