And so it goes

[ericmsant2]

ITay,

I am not sure if you will appreciate this post and by all means you can feel free to tell me to go pound sand or go F – myself. I am posting this because I care ITay..I really do. I am not trying to hurt you. I just do not want to see you hurt. I really don’t.

First off, every case of MLC is different. There are similarity but really everyone person is different so consider this when you read the rest of this post.

You join the boards on 7/6 (23 days ago).

And now you have given him an ultimatum, which it appears has prompted him to reconsider and begin working on the M. historically, this has not worked (at least from my time on the boards and reading the archives) so I would be very careful as you move forward.

So do you feel that you have done the work on yourself so that you fixed/addressed some of the issues that brought you here to begin with?

Do you think that your H has worked through his MLC issue in a few months?

So what work did you need to do….

I believe that for someone who claimed to be controlling (on 7/6 you admitted to being “a bit controlling”); applying the last resort technique, which is what you did, on someone in a MLC does not work. At least not in the long term.

IMO, you have “exerted” your control over the situation. You wanted what you wanted NOW and so you played your card. To me, it tells me that you have not dealt with your control issues.

You admitted to being the “take charge” type person in the M – here is your quote on 7/6.

He has problems with decision making so I naturally assumed the role, someone had to

This is control.

You told your H about the MLC and this site..
[qupte]On 7/6 you posted….And yes, he does know about this place. I thought it would be good for him to know what he was dealing with so I sent him the link to the archived post "MLC for Dummies". [/quote]
This is control IMO

ITay – I have watched your post very closely and I sooooo hope that your attempt at reconciliation with your H are successful. I just find it hard to believe that in 23 days, you’ve addressed your issues, H has addressed his issues, H has fully gotten over his little ML crisits OP and that both of you may not be ready to do the work needed to try to avoid this from happening in the future.

May I ask what prompted you to use an ultimatum? You said that you were patient…

On 7/6 you told us you were a “VERY PATIENT PERSON’

Yet as patient as you are you decided to give him an ultimatum even after you posted this on 7/6…

you're right..I am not prepared to give any kind of ultimatum because I want this to work.

To me it scream like you wanted your M back at whatever cost and you were going to get it.
Could it be that you want this M to work right now because YOU do not want to change your lifestyle as opposed to waiting it out and doing the work for you.

On 7/6 you posted….

”I am more of a spender than he is.”

but to do that I would need to sell our house and move from here which means D

Could it be that you finally caved under the pressure?
On 7/6 you posted….

think my C feels that I should tell him to give her up totally or get out and get divorced. it is my belief that he thinks it will shock him into reality

On 7/6 you posted….

Most of my support group is looking at me like I'm crazy and wondering out loud why I put up with all this.

Look ITay, I do not want this (see below) to happen to you again (from your post on 7/6)

He moved out (not w/her) the end of December 2009 and then back in Feb then out again first part of March, then back in in April.

He was VERY resentful when he moved back after breaking it off, saying he thought he moved back for the wrong reasons and feeling like he'd given up the love of his life and eternal happiness because he didn't want to leave me with nothing.

ITay…please be careful, don’t push, go slow, continue to give him space…and MORE importantly continue to make those changes in YOU.

God Bless,
Eric