I called a DB coach, told her my H has moved out and is dating someone else even though we are still legally married. She advised me to stay friends. She advised me to take advantage of as much family time as possible and make it positive.
I too, like so many here, have danced around for a year trying to be nice, be friendly, improve our interactions, and have received more and more emotional and verbal abuse. Trying to be friends worked for about ten days and the abuse came back. The advice I"ve gotten on this board is universally the opposite - go NC, do not positively reinforce in any way his negative treatment of me and my S. IT was very confusing. I still do not have my H back. However, he has been much more nice and civil toward me since I went dim (we have minimal contact because of s5). I got way more peace and serenity having space from his abusive behavior. And I don't worry as much about OW because I don't see him.
So that seems to be the best strategy - for ME - but I have no idea what will work, if anything, in my M. And, I could take it much farther. I could pack up his stuff and put it on the lawn, change the locks, fight for more custody in a D, file a D, tell him point blank that I do not want to be friends since he's what I consider cheating (he doesnt, since we're separated but in my heart I am still married to him and I took my vows seriously!~).
Of course I"m scared to do this because it makes no sense for someone who wants her M back. But that has been Allen's advice, as well as many others. If I had the courage to do this - who knows where I would be. I am scared to rock the boat, but it could be that is just what the doctor ordered! -Still trying to decide. I see Allen's points - they all make sense. Then I get cold feet...to be continued...
