Found out she's telling others she's paying me childsupport.
Found out from son, while I'm balling my eyes out last nite, like most of us LBS' do, she's throwing a party.
I don't know man, been listening to the cd the secret and realized what you think about the most is your life, well in my case, with ADD or what the hell ever, she was my life.
I talk to attorney tomorrow, I'm still at a crossroads, keeping my word, giving her and the kids everything or taking some of what is rightfully mine.
I have an idea, who knows if the judicial system will agree.
Work, still tough on me.
I have a decision to make there.
I can tell you this, I sure jumped off a cliff.
I would love to feel like I did before all this hit.
ALL I CAN SAY IS I HAVE NEVER HURT AS BAD AS I HAVE THIS LAST YR AND A WEEK.
I cry I feel better...No I haven't cursed God. I pray like you wouldn't believe for guidance.
But you know what, my sons here, my daughter well who knows.
That's what really bothers me, my soon to be ex, she did a darn good job of blowing stuff up.
Got a cancelation in the mail and she's been asking for money only on texts.
She had it all before this deal hit. Oh well. I pray all I can do and you know I do feel for her.
I realized on our anniversary, and there was a post in my old thread did I love her enough to leave her alone and to kiss on texts.
No!!
Interesting two wks ago she texted me I try to understand your texts and I can't.
Guys they've been easy ones, like proud of you or some other stuff, nothing mushy and yes I have a cple times texted love you over the past yr. I DO.
Anyway I don't get how she can have an affair, etc, but can't understand a text.
Daughter said Dad she knows you love her, she's said it, and I showed D some of the symptons and stuff when she was here. D was having too much fun and then upset about what mom's doing. I asked D are you telling me this to hurt me? She said no, so you move on.
I said honey, you realize this person isn't your mom and I hope one day you both realize how bad you've hurt me, but hey in both your cases I love yeah and accept you as you are and Dad's big enough and knows enough, he'll move on in his own time, right now, dad's got some healing and deciding to do.
Oh well it's been over a yr and yep I still cry and say accept it man your getting divorced, but you fought the good fight.
I haven't gotten angry yet, maybe because I know this alien didn't really want this to happen, I mean some of it is mother nature.
I'm not so much going thru the motions and I know at some point this will pass, like now would be great:)
Settlement on Thursday, not looking forward to it.
Have Jack's poem Invictus on top of my paperwork.
She knows I don't want this, but she is so scatter brained, paranoid. Dead set to get this done and of course playing the selfish victim.
I feel for her man.
I know that's why I haven't moved on.
All I can say is what a train wreck.
Just a vent.
Some of you see me on the Alt.
I'm true to myself, hey I love 'em.
It isn't really a need thing anymore, I cover her in prayers.
I have no idea what I'm going to walk into on Thursday.
If you all remember my panic, heartbroken, respond to everything posts from the beginning.
I put myself in a hell of a ditch.
I did join a church the otherday.
And some of you see me on the alt.
I'm true to myself and doing somethings, I wouldn't have done before.
The key here, I haven't wavered on the outlast and maybe I'm torturing myself, but I keep the happy memories in my head incase she wants them back if she's ever able to get out of the Denial.
My kids, Wow.
My son and I, the knocks just keep coming.
Her and D, somehow continue to land on their feet.
Guys I hurt, but I'm good.
I'm broke, but I'm good.
I am definately not the person I was before the bomb hit.
In more ways better and in some ways worse.
But I don't hurt like I did last year and I don't take all the venom personal, heck the end results going to be the same.
