"but i realize that i haven't let go yet. i'm not ready."
So.. what are you ready for?
"it's not a competition.
it's not who i am."
But based on what you have told us.. it seems your marriage was competitive.
Being that way is a part of you.
You choose someone who fueled that.
It got boring and overwhelming for one of you.
Why?
What changed?
"the obvious to me is that i've lost a good friend."
Since the beginning this has always been a big part of why you want to make this work. This is what I like. Why are you treating him different than you would a friend? Take away the "relationship". What would you do if this was just a friend?
"i've lost a marriage."
Is this really a bad thing? Have you not known for a while that something needed to change? Why did you not do anything until it was "too late"?
"but i also lost who i was in the process."
Really.. just with him saying "I want out"? Or has it been a slow "loss"?
"i feel like i'm just a machine, doing things."
This is normal. And expected. The thing is.. even if you do things just because people are telling you too.. they become habits. Even if you just try a tiny bit. "Fake it till you make it" comes to mind.
"the thing i discovered about myself is that often times i feel like it's my job to bring out the best in everybody. and i love doing it.
and that's what i bring to the table. that's what makes me valuable."
Then you have to realize that even if they think you are doing it for another reason.. that does not change your heartfelt motivation. This is important for you to understand. Your value does not change just because they did not respond in the normal way.
"i don't want to stop living or growing. life is too much fun and when it is that much fun, i want to bring someone along for the ride. it seems so selfish to be enjoying all of this yourself."
This is your turning point. How long are you willing to wait for someone?
"i want someone to hold my hand as we jump off the deep end into adventure, and someone willing to work hard at being together. so .. who wants to hold my hand when we take the big leap? at the moment, nobody. and that's what i've lost. that person who's hand i would hold on to while taking the big leap."
How closely do you resemble this person? How much hand holding are you doing now?
"i don't know what he is losing - that would be mind reading. but he's definitely losing out on someone who would have made life adventurous. someone who would have brought out the best in him."
See.. you said it correctly. Because of what you have "learned". We have told you not to be a mind reader. But we want you to be the person that you said you are. Be the person he is losing.
Not the one he wants to run away from.
"my 30 days has expired. i want you to know i didn't half-ass attempt the challenge. i really did try and i didn't do it to save my m. i did it for me. i'm still on shaky ground. i am better than before but not quite there yet."
Based on that post above.. I can see that it was not a half-ass attempt. That is more than I hoped for. The thing is.. now you are saying you are on "shaky-ground". You are not saying "there is no hope". You are saying you are better than before. So.. is that not the essence of what DB says? Do things that move you forward. Even if it is a small step.. it means something. I know you are not there yet.. but you are one step closer than you were 30 days ago. How can you expand on your first 30 days of the "challenge"?
"i don't have much time either."
6 months if I recall correctly. That would mean you would be 6 times better than you are now. Heck.. if we cut it in half.. still 3 times better. What could you accomplish if you were 2 times better than what you are now?
"2a. i go talk to my h without ls and say can we work out a deal without the ls?"
Why is the L telling you to do this. Think about it some.
How can you prepare for it?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
