We just put the kids to bed, and if S is awake and hears a door open he calls for me, so I dont know if she planted in his head I was moving out 2 weeks ago, but he is freaked out about me leaving.
Yup and screwing with children's security & stability is a super crappy thing to do. Always checking if you're home now. Sleeping in your bed, mentioning something about a nightmare but sometimes it's just to make sure you're still home and haven't left.
Originally Posted By: dsh4320
BTW Rob, any thoughts on why she was so nosy about my Dr. appt and my counseling? I have been pretty dark, so I dont know if its a conversation breaker or what for her, but she was wearing me out, maybe she gets bored at work, or texting her family and friends as to what a terrible H I am, and needs to reach out/ Now I am fishing, and I dont like to fish. I hate to fish. I do like Sushi though, yum....
Well I have a few thoughts and again, you won't know for sure until... you know for sure. So you're out there, getting a life, going out regularly/quasi-regularly with friends, work is busy, life is busy, and on top of that your behavior towards her has changed. You're defusing arguments, not defending yourself in fights, you've told her she can go, she has her freedom, you're currently acting as if the marriage is over and you're moving on.
First she's wondering what's up with your behavior. Is it a trick to get her to come back. Why are you so peaceful and civil towards her now. Why do you agree with pretty much every issue she has about you now? Why don't you defend yourself in fights anymore? Why are the fights lasting only for short periods of time? Why doesn't he respond to every text & email I send him with lightning speed? Why is he so happy, confident, sure of himself?
So you're either showing her a side of yourself that she hasn't seen in a very long time, the guy she originally fell in love with and wanted to be with, etc.
Or....
You're exhibiting a lot of the same tell tale signs she was exhibiting when she was having an affair. Hear me out on this:
- You're confident, happy - Looking good, feeling good - you're not depressed, angry, sad, begging, pleading - you've told her you're ok with her leaving, - you're moving on - you've gone out a few times with some friends (getting a life) - you're being a great dad for your kids - you're handling all of this like a champ, almost too good - you have appointments to see counselors, before it was AA meetings, some of these appt's are at church
What's this? I thought you said you were going to counseling? Where were you if you weren't at your appointment? Why aren't you going to your AA meetings? Are you going to counseling for your anger mgmt and lying? I thought you said you were going to counseling? If you aren't going to counseling and you're not at work, where are you when I text & email you?
Are you possibly seeing someone else? Are you having an.... AFFAIR?!
(sinister music playing in the background)
You see this is what she did to you originally a few years ago I think in your first separation from her.
Maybe she believes in karma and now it's come to bite her in the a$$ for all of her past good deeds ;-)
"...You're just too good to be true, can't keep my eyes off of you, blah, blah, blah, blah" (rob doesn't remember the rest of the words to the tune)
So I'm thinking that she might have this thought in her head. Even the mere possibility of this happening can cause her to have many different thoughts that launch sporadic actions on her part (text msg terrorism, crazy emails, voicemails, etc.)
I wouldn't send any details of your counseling via email, keep that for face to face talks for whatever details you are comfortable with providing to her. You need to police your own emails now to make sure they are clean when you send them to her, you don't want anything you've emailed to her to be used against you should that event ever transpire.
But yeah, that's what I think is happening here and I think in the end, it's one of the desired outcomes.
She gives you the boot, asks you to move out, you conceded originally and were set to move out until we got a hold of you and said "hold on there buckaroo, there are other options", you change your mind, you stay, being at home with your children is the best place for you to be, instead of begging and pleading with her to give your marriage another try, you tell her that she is free to go at any time, you may have even offered to help her move out, you're not angry, sad, depressed. Nope... you're the opposite: happy, cool, calm, confident, awesome. But that doesn't sit right in her brain, why is he handling this so well? Is it possible that maybe he's interested in someone else, another woman? Maybe he's tired of all of my bull$hit, drama and games, maybe he's found someone else?
We won't know for sure until you attach an ethernet patch cable to the back of her head and we can download the contents of her brain and post on this website for further analysis ;-)
But it's definitely a possibility.
Crisis, fear of loss, those are things that cause people to act faster than they normally would (if at all). I think you've stirred up the pot a bit and she's feeling the effects.
Like I said before, you're doing a good job, expect the testing to continue in all of it's varied forms, you just continue doing what you're doing because it's working. Let her come to you, let her initiate relationship talks with you where you mostly listen and she tries to prove to you why you guys should work on the marriage, let her tell you that she wants to work on the marriage, that she still loves you and she will commit 110% wholeheartedly to the process (don't settle for anything less).
That's the goal.
.... and this is one long a$$ post, Good Night Everybody!!!
